What does this mean?- the WH's regrets?

[gatsby11]

TimeHeals, hello! Thanks for dropping by.

P, glad you guys went on a walk! I like hearing about that. Autumn sounds really nice. My part of the world kind of skips that season.

NM, I kinda wanted someone to reassure me about the ice cream heh heh. . . glad you did!

And since we're on the topic of contacts, did y'all know you're supposed to change your case every 30 days? I guess bacteria creeps in. Since mine hadn't been changed in the last year and a half, I switched it out real quick! I won't change it again for 6 months though.

[newmama]

And since we're on the topic of contacts, did y'all know you're supposed to change your case every 30 days? I guess bacteria creeps in. Since mine hadn't been changed in the last year and a half, I switched it out real quick! I won't change it again for 6 months though.

NO I did not know that! My eye check-ups have been good though. But I also wear the disposable contacts as long as possible, lol!

Glad you wanted to be reassured about the ice cream. Gee, 10 more days til your due date, right? Wow!!!
Piano, did your darling daughter arrive 5 days post due date?

[Piano]

Thanks for the contact lense case tip. I throw mine out when I buy new solution... My gawd, so we have another thing in common with the lenses. Wonder if Babydoll wears them too?!

I had several due dates and she arrived 5 days past the first date, one day before the latest date. Howz that! Because she was posterier until the last hours when she flipped, she took a lot longer to arrive.

[gatsby11]

So she did flip! I wondered how that worked out for you.

[gatsby11]

WH wrote, said he was happy to have seen me this weekend and was happy to help with the carseat. And if I need more help to let him know.

So that's nice. I wrote back and said thanks. Looks like the carseat thing worked out, NM!

[newmama]

That's good about the carseat! Now I know you won't see him until after the baby is born (2 more weeks?). Another job for after the birth is learning to swaddle the baby, changing the diapers, and bathing the baby. It seems like all the dads
(my WH too) in my mommy group liked to do these jobs! And buying gear like highchair,paknplay,stroller...just sharing!

[gatsby11]

I have all my gear, I really can't think of anything for him to do. I would like for him to learn about baby care. I really do. That may be something that I can show him when she's actually here in our first visit.

So I guess I don't have any plans to ask him for anything unless some kind of issue comes up that he could fix. . . I really got it all taken care of. . .

But it was interesting to me that in his reply he really wanted to help.

"I wanted to tell you that if you need anything over the next few weeks, please let me know. I was happy that I was able to help you install the car seat. I’d like to help with more things like that, too."

That's exactly what he said.

That surprises me because I think that appreciation is the trick! So interesting.

[newmama]

I would like for him to learn about baby care. I really do. That may be something that I can show him when she's actually here in our first visit.

So I guess I don't have any plans to ask him for anything unless some kind of issue comes up that he could fix. . . I really got it all taken care of. . .

On the one hand, it is great that you feel on top of it because it is better to assume you will be a single mom (IMO) so you can deal with it. But....

That surprises me because I think that appreciation is the trick! So interesting.

Unfortunately, you won't be able to test this out unless you can LET him help you after the baby is born...with regular stuff- not just things you haven't done or don't know how to do! Of course it is all about your boundaries, too...tricky stuff!

[gatsby11]

You and I are on the same page, NM! I was thinking along very similar lines toward the middle of the day today.

I think this is what he meant (and his mom meant, grr) when they said I should be more dependent.

That language and that word is offensive to me, like a cuss word. I don't like it! "Dependent, I spit on you."

But I understand the idea when it's about me asking for help. I have definitely learned recently in therapy (and my therapist has NO interest in WH and I getting back together, which is fine) that I tend to try to take it all on. Because I don't want to inconvenience others. (It popped out again recently when I kept apologizing to WH the other night with the carseat.)

That is something I need to change. I have to stop expecting others to do nothing and me to do everything. In fact, I think I enabled WH to be selfish because I just convinced myself I could take care of everything.

So, learning.

There's no reason-- even if he and I never get back together-- for me to reject his help with the baby. I do need to take it. I just don't know how he could ever be in a place to help me with it at all. I feel like I know everything about it and he knows nothing.

I will try to keep all of this in mind, NM, though, when I start to navigate these waters. Ask for his help. Ask for his help.

Okay, I'll try.

[newmama]

"Dependent, I spit on you."

lol!

I feel like I know everything about it and he knows nothing.

Hey, you won't be the first mom who thinks this!! And actually, moms ARE equipped to be able to do it all! As you know, I "let" WH do a lot but there were plenty of times when I slipped and said "watch out!" or "I think that is too much food." or "don't let him cry that long!" it was tough to let him learn on his own...but it also built his confidence because when he "succeeded" with calming S or getting him to smile or picked out a cute outfit he was so pleased with himself.

I was nice enough to compliment him on doing a great job of swaddling or playing with S or comforting him etc. although not nearly as much as if we were still together!

How nice that you do it all as to not inconvenience others! When I am controlling, I tend to do it because I feel like I can't rely on others- like they will flake and not show up.