Running out of time.

[ClingingToHope]

It is unfortunate but for my own well being I limit my contact with XW as much as possible. I get the impression she doesn't like it. If it wasn't for the kids I would have zero contact with her.

At this point, who cares what she likes? My STBXW wants to talk on the phone all the time, coordinating schedules. I tell her if doesn't have to be handled that day then send me an email. That frosts her, but who cares? The WAS gets to decide on the end of the marriage. The LBS gets to decide the kind of relationship they'll have going forward.

[ClingingToHope]

Get your financial house in order so that you can save to take your sons to Disney yourself. I haven't totally figured out what to do together and separate. We did D7's birthday together last summer. For D11's birthday this winter we did it separate.

At mediation, STBXW said she'd like to do Christmas together. The mediator looked at me and I said "I don't know. I'm not sure where I'll be in six months. Part of me thinks that STBXW wants to play family when it's convenient to her."

I can imagine getting together for things here and there, but doing some big family trip together? No. That'd be too weird and, in my case, since the girls are 7 and 11, they'd see that as a sign we are getting back together.

I know this is little consolation, but your sons are going to grow up feeling your life is normal.

If it were me, no way do I do a long trip with an ex or soon to be ex if there was an OM in the picture.

[Cie la vie]

CTH,

You are right about not caring what she likes at this point.

Fortunately, I haven't had a phone conversation with my STBX in many weeks, however, as I have mentioned in previous posts she has increased her emailing to me significantly over the last several weeks. They are friendly in nature but as I have said I don't want the increased contact and my response have delivered this message.

Yes, I will decided our future relationship moving forward. I'm sure this will evolve over time but for now I will minimize our contact as much as possible. Thanks for the response.

[Cie la vie]

CTH,

I should be in pretty good shape once the house sells in the meantime I am operating on a thin budget.

The only events we have left open as potential group events are Halloween and the kids B-day party. I will likely pass on doing either of these together for the foreseeable future.

Vacations together never. I believe you are correct about how this will all seems like normal to my kids given their young ages. Although yesterday was painful, the STBX dropped the kids off around 4:00 PM and both my son and daughter cried for their mommy for about and hour. Totally sucked.

Part of me thinks that STBXW wants to play family when it's convenient to her.

I see it the same way.

If it were me, no way do I do a long trip with an ex or soon to be ex if there was an OM in the picture.

The OM thing changes everything, trust me you wouldn't want anything to do with the STBX under these conditions. It is brutal.

I feel like I have taken a couple of steps back in the last few weeks and believe this correlates with the increased communication. I don't want to be bitter and focused on this disaster and I feel like I am struggling a bit again.

[dwinter82]

CLV, the struggles will come. It is normal, but they will dull with time. I still struggle a few days out of the week, especially when I think about the kids being raised in this manner. The OM hanging out with the kids still really gets to me as well. I am not sure if this will ever completely go away.

My ex continues to be super nice; she was not this nice when we were married. She wants to be buddies and I want nothing to do with it.

Below are some Coping Strategies I review on a daily basis:

• Allow grieving to occur
• Confidently look forward towards the future
• Exercise, sleep and eat well
• Keep a journal
• Keep busy
• Limit alcohol
• allow yourself to make a change
• keep a safe distance from your former spouse

[Cie la vie]

especially when I think about the kids being raised in this manner

I feel terrible for kids and it eats at me. Innocent victims of selfishness.

The OM hanging out with the kids still really gets to me as well. I am not sure if this will ever completely go away.

This will be the next gift my XW has for me and the kids, I expect it has already happened but she hasn't made it official.

She wants to be buddies and I want nothing to do with it.

Crazy they would think that it would be even possible after the crap they have done. I can't understand what is going on my XW head to think I would want anything to do with her at this point.

I know the answer to this questions is in previous posts but how often do you have contact with your XW? Monday was the first time I had seen my X in over a month and I can't remember the last time I spoke to her on the phone. All kid handoffs to this point had been handle through nannies.

Thanks for the list of coping strategies they all make good sense. I actually had my first drinks in over 8 months this weekend. Beer and wine, neither tasted particularly good however. I guess it is an acquired taste and one I lost.

I need to get back on track with my Galing etc. I felt strongest when I was in full exercise mode. I have no excuse.

Looking forward to my vacation with the kids starting Saturday. Heading to NorCal to my mothers for a week. It's going to be a challenge but I need to get in sync for these kinds of adventures as I intend to give my kids all the things I had hoped to do as a family anyway.

[dwinter82]

CLV, I see the XW 3-4 four times a week depending on the kid exchange and/or soccer/baseball schedule. It makes moving on more difficult but the way things are set-up allows me to spend a lot of time with the kids and I am not ready to give that up.

I have still not met the OM and do not plan to do so. I do not see any advantage in that, although he is marrying my ex in August...very odd. What the ex is teaching the kids about marriage and familiy would make a great plot for some twisted soap opera story line.

Have a good one.

[Cie la vie]

DW,

That is a lot of interfacing and I'm sure it is uncomfortable but clearly if it provides you with more opportunities to be with you kids it's a discomfort worth getting use to.

I have still not met the OM and do not plan to do so. I do not see any advantage in that, although he is marrying my ex in August...very odd.

I don't blame you meeting the OM is something I have run through my mind and it doesn't go well. Odd and soap operaish indeed and crazy. I'm quite confident I will be dealing with this same senario within the next twelve months. Mind boggling.

Take it easy.

[dwinter82]

Hey CLV, just checking-in. Everything good?

[MHL]

CLV,
How is it going? How was the trip to your mother's? Have things settled down any? I need to drop in on you guys more often, sorry I have been busy with my own stuff. I will check back on you later.

Take Care.