Why Bo Peep doesn't work

[Truegritter]

Doesn't not taking that step send the message to the WAS that "I'll still be here for you no matter what you do?"

Not taking that step should be because YOU decide it for YOU.

Everyone is different as to how long they want to live their life without

a reciprocal commtment from her spouse.

The decision not to get D IMO is personal.

If the LBS has done their work.

Is healing.

Then...

Her self-esteem didn't take a pummeling because she was hanging in there while her H had an affair.

This ^^^^^^

isn't a question anymore.

If the LBS decides to get D because of this then they have been broken and will carry that on until they deal with it...

I don't believe that D makes one heal. It may help you detach more...

The same work must be done and if you stand on your principles then you are coming from a place of strength NOT self doubt.

You stand for who YOU are.

The decision to get D only reinforces that self doubt.

IF that decision is made before the LBS has healed.

[karen43]

Kimmie, interesting thread you started! I think the Bo-Peep doesn't work a lot of times, b/c it's more of the same for the LBS & not a true 180. I think a lot of the LBS here tend to be unassertive, don't have boundaries, etc, I know I was a prime example. So the tougher approach is a good 180 for us. I think the bo-peep would be better with maybe someone that is already dominant, assertive, etc. but should still always keep your boundaries.

[Puppy Dog Tails]

Agreed.