Looking for help with WAW

[mza8]

Not much new to report. Still no further contact from W. I'm sure she had a wonderful weekend. I continue to GAL but I still find myself thinking of her constantly. I can't help it. This is killing me. When I'm out I look at other couples and see what I used to have with my W. Sometimes I don't even want to go out so I don't have to look at others laughing and having fun together. It's too hard.

Had lunch with the friend of mine last week. He and his W separated for one year and got back together. He left her alone and GAL. After a year she started to contact him again and said she noticed his changes. Said he seemed like a fun person to be around again. After being back together for about 6 months they are starting to have some problems again.

I talked to another friend of mine today who told me he was also separated...I had no idea. Gosh, so many people I know are going through or have gone through the same thing. Most in their mid to late 30s like W and I. Weird. Anyway, this friend was separated from his W for 4 years. He had some major changes he needed to make. They both went on with their lives but now she is contacting him again and wants to talk about getting back together. She also said she sees his changes.

I've definitely noticed a pattern with all of the people I've talked to in a similar sitch whose Ws came back...eventually. They all made the same mistake of the begging, pleading, etc. at the beginning. They finally gave their Ws space. They worked on themselves and in time their Ws noticed and were drawn back to them. Yep, I hear it but it's tough for me to believe it will ever work for me. It's now been 7 1/2 months since separation and W still has not talked to me about M...other than to say she's done of course.

My one friend said I should ask my W out to talk. I said I did this about 6 weeks ago (sort of...was really to discuss house) and was turned down. He thinks I should try again. The other friend I spoke to today said he wrote his W a "pour his heart out" type letter. He told her he thought of her daily and wanted to see if they could talk. I feel like I should do something here. Make some small gesture to try to talk. I was thinking of contacting a mutual friend that I haven't spoke to in a few months. She might have talked to W. I wanted to ask her for her opinion on what she thinks I should do. She also went through a similar sitch. I wanted to ask her if it would have meant anything to her if her H wrote her a letter expressing his feelings, acknowledging his mistakes and tell her where he is now. This is what I'm thinking. I'm sure everyone here will tell me this is still not the right idea and to keep on my path. When do you go off the path when it's not working?

Oh, about the agent. Was supposed to receive a call from her last Thursday but never happened. I took Gucci's advice and contacted agent myself. Gave agent a day before I called her on Friday. Got her VM and left a message to call me. I still have not heard from agent now some 5 days later from when she was supposed to contact me. Agent still hasn't put out sign yet that she was suppoed to day last week. I'm going to call W this week (not email) and give her an update. I won't bash the agent but be upbeat and just give W an update that I'm making an effort to take care of this. I'm sure I'll get W's VM and no return call but I'm sure I'll get a return email, "Hi mza8, thanks for the update...blah, blah, blah". Yeah, great, thanks W.

I know I sound all over the place today. This is sooo frustrating. I'm so much further along in my own life changes that I feel like I am now the exact person my W wanted last year. I'm happy with where I am now.

Oh, and I'm looking even harder for any evidence of a possible OM. Everyone still tells me no but why else wouldn't she talk to me yet. Sorry for this weak post. I know this is the weakest I've been in awhile but for some reason I'm struggling this past week.