Allen-subconsciously he may be feeling violated, but this has been an issue for a long time. Before I had the affairs he didn't want to have sex. I had to go on fertility drugs just to up the chances because of that fact. And, I shouldn't just say sex....but the intimate times were non existent. No touching of my back, no hugs out of nowhere, no kissing, no hand holding, no verbal flirting or "I love yous". So, there are some more needs I have. I just gave one example as to how I was totally disregarded and how that made me feel.
To be honest, your statement that my H is at a sense of loss how to please is probably correct. After this year has passed, I'm not sure there is. It's more than a list of things now......flowers wouldn't even touch it.....it is a feeling of complete disconnectiveness, in every way possible. My mind, my body, my heart, everything. How DO you get that back? My mantra used to be feelings follow actions and this past year I've been doing actions, but my feelings have not followed.
Hi Saffie! So good to hear from you. Yes, there was no initial lust/infactuation phase in my marriage. He and I liken it to an arranged marriage. We both were looking for a certain type of person based on our pasts and we were it. Great on paper, all our friends were marrying at the same time, and we did, too.
Retrouvaille helped us leave the past in the past and forgave each other of the past. He also had gone to a counselor on his own to work on his issues and it made me feel that maybe something would change.
I wanted to believe that we would connect more this time, that things would be different. I don't know how to "fix" us.
M 39 H 39 1 son, 7
Multiple affairs before/during/and after separation, came clean, went to Retrouvaille, forgave each other, Piecing for over a year, same problems exist, back to counseling
