You are all giving me very good advice and I see what I need to do...I just have to do it.
I recognize that I definitely have some co-dependency issues...after 36 years together it's probably normal, we were always together, doing everything together, even when we were with friends we were together...hardly ever did we go on to do things without each other. So yes it feels like I'm missing half of me.
H was very possessive of me, I the early years very jealous, all throughout our marriage he would call me many times a day just to see if I'm OK, or telling me to be careful driving, "call me when you get there" etc. So this switch is really hard to comprehend for me. Ever since the affair started it just stopped, he doesn't care what I do, where I go, If I'm OK. He just replaced me with OW, that's where his loyalties are now.
It's very hard for me to let go probably because I still can't believe inside that he could switch like that and I'm fighting it....so my inability to detach is also about acceptance....I haven't fully accepted it.
Yesterday I was looking at H through the window as he was cutting grass. I was looking at him with new eyes, kind of detached as I would look at a stranger. The thoughts that went through my mind were that he is a good looking man (I always though that), he looks great for his age (he could pass for 40) but the other surprising thoughts were that I realized that I don't like this man I see...he looks like the man I love, but he is not him anymore, he is this cold, arrogant, selfish, self absorbed person that I wouldn't even want to be friends with right now.
I'm still in love with the "old H" but I don't really care much for this new version of him. Just that realization should help me to detach. I've been doing lots of thinking, reading what you all had to say...and I know it will all come "together" for me one of these days....hopefully soon.
I sense a change in him in the past week. He has gained confidence and resolve. It feels like he's reached some kind of internal decision. The depression is gone as far as I can see and he is content and proactive in trying to be involved in D's life and in mine. It's like he is happy with his choices and getting into a routine.
I attribute this to OW leaving her H 3 weeks ago...according to her it's her final decision. So now for the first time they finally have what they both fought for for a year. The drama is over and they won. OW's H told me that OW told him yesterday...that she is happy.
Just received an email from H announcing that he is taking D away this weekend. Didn't ask if it's OK with me, didn't say where they are going...just an announcement
M53 H54 D17 M33Y T38Y Bomb OW 09/09 OUT 10/09 BACK 11/09 OUT 01/10 WANTS TO R 04/10 BACK with OW 05/10 Wants to Reconcile 05/11 I said NO
