Re-Connecting

[Greek]

Is it wise to spy?

If you want to know what's coming around the corner (or what's going on around the corner!), yes. She will NOT tell you.

Should I let nature take it's course and let her make all the moves.

You mean stand by and let her take your family down?

I feel so powerless right now and I don't want to walk on eggshells for months to come.

Then step up and take power back. Have you ever seen "Why Did I Get Married?" It's a Tyler Perry movie. Never thought I'd like a Tyler Perry movie but I watched this on cable just yesterday and I'll be damned if that guy is not dead on RIGHT about how men need insist on some things in the relationship to regain balance and fairness. Watch it!
Greek

[Fightingforher]

If I do find out that there is OM what then? I guess I need to determine if that's something I can get over. I'm assuming if there is OM it's an EA. With our schedules and our son I don't know when she would find the time but anything is possible.

I find it hard to believe that all the time she has told me how much she cares for me and would never hurt me she could actually have OM.

[Puppy Dog Tails]

Nobody does (believe it, that is).

It's best to know the truth of what you're dealing with. Best case, you find out there ISN'T, and you have some peace of mind, right?

Puppy

[Fightingforher]

Have the Vets seen success stories while in here? I've only been a member for a short period of time and I've seen stories much more complicated then mine.

I guess i'm looking for some re-assurance that there is hope and issues like this can be fixed in due time. My W finally opened my eyes 2 months ago and exposed me to what a Jerk i've been. Now that i'm making the right changes for me I don't know if she'll stick around to benefit from them.

I certainly don't want my son to grow up in a broken home. I hope for the best and I hope you guys have some success stories.

[Greek]

Have the Vets seen success stories while in here? I've only been a member for a short period of time and I've seen stories much more complicated then mine.

I guess i'm looking for some re-assurance that there is hope and issues like this can be fixed in due time. My W finally opened my eyes 2 months ago and exposed me to what a Jerk i've been. Now that i'm making the right changes for me I don't know if she'll stick around to benefit from them.

I certainly don't want my son to grow up in a broken home. I hope for the best and I hope you guys have some success stories.

Read Coach's old posts. He did it just right...thank God.
Greek

[sandi2]

Have the Vets seen success stories while in here? I've only been a member for a short period of time and I've seen stories much more complicated then mine.

I guess i'm looking for some re-assurance that there is hope and issues like this can be fixed in due time.

You remind me of a man who wants to know the answer from the girl "before" he takes the risk of purposing.

To be honest, we do not see a lot of success stories here b/c most people wait until D is being talked about before they wake up and get serious about doing something. However, Greek, Puppy, and I...are all success stories. Maybe some others who have responded to you....IDK.

You can't measure your M by how many have been successful at DBing, you measure it by how much it's worth. You mentioned you son.....there's your value right there.

[Fightingforher]

I got home from work lastnight and I spoke with my W. We had a conversation about D and how we would handle the preliminary stuff. We even talked about how I've changed the past couple of months. She was confused on why I was feeling better about our situation.

I explained to her that I've been reading self help books, joined this support group, GAL, etc.... I told her that I needed to move on with or without her. I've been feeling sorry for myself lately and almost forgot who I was. She didn't seem like she wanted to talk about D.

I took my son to the park and we had a blast. My W went out for a few hours and called to see if my son and I could meet her for dinner. I respectfully declined because I didn't want to talk about any of this in front of our son.

I got home and a couple hours later my W came in. She said she would like to go to dinner with her family tomorrow night and she would like me to come. She then looked at me and said she wants to work on our marriage. She said that she really wants this to work. She mentioned that she can't offer herself to me romantically at this time because she is still angry and is working through that.

I didn't show much enthusiasm but I was happy to hear her say that she wanted to try. I told her that I'm willing to work on this too, but sex is important to me but I would be patient.

In previous posts I was told to only believe 1/2 the words W says. Is this something that you guys would see as a breakthrough or a typical up/down....

[TimeHeals]

In previous posts I was told to only believe 1/2 the words W says. Is this something that you guys would see as a breakthrough or a typical up/down....

I believe the quote is "Believe none of what they say and only 1/2 of what they do".

Time will tell. How is she going to work on the R? You are here, you are reading self help books, you are trying to improve yourself.

You look for her trying to improve herself. If she starts doing things that look like that, post it here and see what people say about it.

[Puppy Dog Tails]

In previous posts I was told to only believe 1/2 the words W says. Is this something that you guys would see as a breakthrough or a typical up/down....

Not sure I'd classify it as a "breakthrough," but I do think it's a positive sign. She's saying a lot of the right things, FFH.

At the end of the day, however, these are still, after all, WORDS. Only you know what your own personal "dealbreaker" boundaries are. If it were me, I would have to feel safe that there was no OM contact, and that she was sincere in "working on the marriage." The former I would establish thru a transparency plan (with at least one source of intel unbeknownst to her as part of my system), and the latter I could certainly be okay with it NOT including sexual intimacy for some period of time (6 mos. maybe?) But that's just me -- I'm pretty much a sexual camel anyway.

Built up anger and resentment can certainly be a barrier to sexual intimacy, especially for a woman. A good MC or FT -- preferably one trained in dealing with past infidelity -- can help you guys work thru this issue. If she balked at even trying THAT, I'd consider it a huge red flag, and would probably call "bullchit" on the whole speech.

Puppy

[Fightingforher]

Thanks for the feedback....

She has mentioned that she would be interested in seeing the MC on an individual basis to work through her issues. I will continue to go and maybe she will want to go as a couple soon enough.