OIN your wife has been fantasizing about another man for MONTHS... THAT is what is holding her back... NOT YOUR EFFORTS...
There are other things messing your wife's head up besides anything you may be doing.
If you change what YOU are doing that doen'st mean your wife is suddenly goign to snap out of it... Your wife has a LOT of myths in her brain about marriage in general, not to mention fantasies of running off with woman's husband... THAT is what's holding her back most likley, NOT you.
I know OM claims he's staying away and all that, but he's already messed your wife's head up now... It's going to take her months to process his exit... You have a very stubborn wife who doesn't give things up easily... OM is going to have to make a LOT of grand statements to make it clear to yoru wife that he is 100% committed to his wife... chit chatting to YOUR wife in private just REINFORCES her fantasy.. .he's been DOING that for MONTHS... MONTHS...
Keep all your messages on your phone... The next time your wife wants to see your phone call her on deleting her messages...
"If you want us to trust each OTHER.. and I Have a good reason NOT to trust YOU either then we are BOTH going to have to STOP DELETING and HIDING MESSAGES... BOTH of us need to follow the SAME GUIDELNES if we want to trust each other here... ok?"
She will throw a fit, tell her she is welcome to see your phone if she hasn't removed her messages from her phone.
Educate her when you are interacting, don't just hand phones over.. TALK to her so she understands why its being done, and REINFORCE that SHE isn't 100% trustworthy either...
If she makes a fit, and she may tell her
"You were chasing another woman's husband for months... everyone at work knows about it... If you want to be trusted, you have to act trustworthy... Deleting messages does NOT make me trust you OR you trust ME does it?"
SHe will likley throw a fit and walk away...
That's fine, you got your point in... Each time you have a chance to talk.. at HER INITIATING IT... you educate her GENTLY... I think she DOES get it... she's just growing up and acting like a stubborn teenager... she doesnt' WANT to grow up so she's being beligerent.
The fact that she DID hand you her phone is a good sign, so try to remember that... She is showing that she understands trust is bi-directional... you both exchange phones at the same time right?
