MLC - standing by my man

[ericmsant2]

Hi Mila

Just checking in.

I was thinking about why do I still have the need to explain myself to him.

IMO - you still do this because it is what you did for 36 years - it feels normal. So please be gentle on yourself.

I want to get better at it NOW

True detachment takes time. Your natural instinct is to hold on. So again be gentle on yourself. For me - I had to get to the point where I realized that nothing, nothing that I would do could turn my W around. The only thing I could do was make myself be as happy as I could. IMO - detachment is a process that we the LBS's grow into. I do not think it just "happens".

In terms of getting him to "see" things while you t dark. Well that to me sounds like u r still focused on doing something with the EXPECTATION that he will notice. Many have said it and is so true - you go dark for YOU. You go dark because you finally are at a point where ur interactions r not healthy for YOU. When you r dark - u take that time to heal, to grow, to CHANGE - not for him but change for YOU. IMO - the more you wonder..."Will he notice this" or "did he see that"..."Maybe if I do this he will feel like..". All of these type thoughts keep us the LBS stuck. Stuck from our true goals. Stuck from our potential. Stuck from making the lasting changes that we need to make for US.

It is a hard realization that we cannot change another. We can only change ourselves. It is even a HARDER realization that we really must let go.

Mila - stop looking at ur H. Stop being in the middle of the R between your D and H ans start giving Mila a break. A break from all of this ...give MIla sometime to really heal. To do this YOU need to stay dark.

God Bless,
Eric

I should be in a place where I don't care what he thinks....and I'm not.

I would think of it as a place not where you "don't care" rather a place where his reactions to your interaction do not change how u feel. U can care about what he says and thinks - it just should not change what u r doing.