Eckhart Tolles wrote a book "The Power of Now," which had a chapter on relationships. He said a lot of people are addicted to being in a relationship and not really in love with their spouses.
Do you miss having someone there to share things with or do you specifically miss your ex?
The boys? My girls are handling things differently. D7 has this belief that we'll get back together. D11 is trying to fix me up.
You know, I read that book a number of years ago, but not sure how much I've retained at this point - I remember the whole "I'm sick of myself" thing, which conjures up a vague Matthew Sweet association.
Bill W. called me on this awhile back, coloring things in the way that a WAS might. And I've had that thought recently, I married the wrong woman, etc., etc., and a friend recently called BS on me. Anyway, yes, I've actually considered that - is it that I just don't want to be alone, or is that that I miss XW? You know, I've found that just about everything that I've decided was "true" on a certain day, didn't seem so true the next day - the way you feel about this is very complicated, and keeps folding in on itself - it's like trying to make sense out of a kaleidoscope. So the best, most true response I can give, CTH, is "yes".
I'm not sure how my boys would respond to the thought of either one of us being with someone else now. Every so often they make comments or questions indicating a hope for us to reunite. Haven't for a few weeks at this point.
SR - yeah, when it comes down to it nobody understands like someone who has been or is going through it.
OK, not a lot of action on this end today. I did talk briefly to XW today to ask something about the boys, she started telling me about some things she's doing for her business, then said "it's strange to talk to you again." Hm, OK. I gave her some help in using Powerpoint. Yeah, I remember telling her months ago, "I don't want to not miss you." Talking to her today, emotionally it could have been anybody. I know in recent weeks, I've had that feeling of, if I just linger for a moment, something will change - I'll see some crack, some shift - it wasn't a well-defined desire, but I know that I had a deep-rooted wish to connect or even - and this isn't quite right but close - see something like hope. But today, I didn't feel that.
Not sure what's going on the last couple of days. Is this the start of that "indifference" I've heard so much about? Certainly it's too soon. I don't trust it. Well, everything comes and goes in waves, doesn't it? (That's actually a song title by a guy named Greg Laswell. Nice song to listen to BTW if you're feeling down, and kind of fitting for all of us, but I digress.)
OK, well. Another night alone with the kids in bed. Yea. Laundry is going. Kitchen and floors are clean. Kind of a slow weekend as one of the boys has been sick. Will be alone Tues to Sun of this coming week.
