I think this is my home for the next 6 months...

[beingreal]

Thank you, CW. I do know him. This isn't him. It's who he's been for the past few years--only now everyone else gets to see it too. I miss my H. It's memorial day, maybe I should go lay some flowers somewhere in honor of his memory. It's like he's dead, I might as well.

Eric--I am mad. And hurt. And sad. Thank you for your kind words--I don't think I'm as strong as you do, however. I surely don't feel like it.

I don't want to make H pay, like your W seems to want you to pay. Maybe emotionally he wants to gouge me--but I'd be trying to read his mind to know for certain. I think he's lost his mind.

The ONLY reason he gets the kids right now is because he is living with his parents. His brother doesn't drink or do drugs. He's more of a "high on life" kinda guy. Although the GF does ride the ganja train WITH her daughter. (I'm seeing a great trend in parenting skills here) I told my MIL not to let him take the kids anywhere. She shook her head in an "absolutely not!" fashion.

If he lived on his own (or with his other on-disability-hey-Harold-let's-cash-my-gov't-check-and-smoke-and-drink-and-doobie-down brother) then they would absolutely not be with him. I'm going to see how my MIL is feeling this weekend and decide from there if they get the kids this weekend. I'm not holding them ransom for support money, nor will I be using them as pawns, I'm just not comfy with him acting like that and having the kids.

I even took the stuff for S'mores home with me because I didn't want to give H any reason to start a fire.


I'm just so afraid, Eric. I feel like I keep putting myself out there, only to be beat with a meat tenderizing mallet.

I think CW might be right. I think I need to go a little darker.

I wonder if my breakdown the other night has anything to do with this. I showed him a moment of weakness & he jumped on it?

I'm so confused.