I guess I just want to update about how I'm not really stressing. . . maybe I'm avoiding tonight's meeting? Not sure. Fortunately I went to a barbeque, then talked to my sister about family drama, and in an hour I'm going to a funky little work party. Then I'm going to come home about 20-30 minutes before he and I are supposed to meet. Want to make it here on time. (I've already said numerous times that I would be pissed if he were more than 10 min late, so I guess I'd better make sure i'm on time. :))
So. . . I haven't quite thought of a goal. But I like what P said. She hopes that I find peace from today's meeting. (And baby steps, but peace is what I like the most.)
So goals for today:
1) I don't 'go off' (don't think I will, but it's still a goal) 2) I get help with carseat and Ipod 3) I stay polite but distant, with plenty of half-smiles and open eyes 4) He feels more in-tune with the baby by feeling her move, seeing her closet and prep, and asking me questions about her 5) I can't control this, but I hope he keeps the conversation on positive topics or at least sets more serious things in a positive tone
Ultimate hope: Peace. Peace that he can be a decent father, peace that I did the best I could do at the meeting, peace that "the worst" didn't happen.
It's weird for me because I'm "cleaning" for him. Thing is, I always cleaned for him. Even though I don't cook (eyeroll), I love to clean and I like to clean FOR somebody. I would like it on the weekends when he would leave and I could have a couple of hours to clean everything and he could come home to a nice apartment.
I guess that's one of my LLs (acts of service) because I'm conflicted about doing it now. I go back and forth between "I should leave it dirty for him" to "I should clean it for him" to "I would clean it for any guest, and that's what he is." I had the most peace with sentence #3 so that's why I cleaned everything nicely.
