Hi everyone, I just had a breakdown. I was at my parent's house and things were fine and then I started talking to my mom about everything we talked for quite a while about the whole situation (she doesnt know about the sex addiction, though). Then I started talking about how I know that I contributed to problems in the relationship also. I talked about how in the beginning of our marriage I was a very, mean horrible person. I fully admit that. I could have handled thigns WAY WAY WAY better - I basically went off the deep end and I didn't know how to handle it. I treated H very poorly.
Then my mom preceeded to tell me that she knew because H had written them an email back in Dec 08 about how worried he was about me and that my temper had gotten really bad and he didnt know what to do.
I had a breakdown. I was so upset that my mom read that to me. I had no idea that my husband had tried to reach out and was in that much pain over those things. I think that is what he talks about when he says he doesn't think he can forgive me for things I have done. I think I hurt him so badly.
I can't stop crying. I was upset with my mom. Reading me that email didn't serve any purporse. I feel absolutely horrible. I fee like I was the one that made thigns sprial downward - I know he made the choices but I feel like I pushed him over the edge.
I so badly want to call him. I so badly just want to tell him how sorry I am for hurting him. I had no idea. I had no idea it was that bad.
Thats what a lot of this is about. I feel reponsible. I feel absolutely responsible that I pushed him to this place. I can't stop crying. I just want to call him. I feel like I'm in so much pain that I dont know what I'm going to do.
I want to call. I just want him to come over so we can talk. I cant take this.
