I think this is my home for the next 6 months...

[beingreal]

You know that scene in "Top Gun" when Maverick plays with the Russian MIG? And the CO is standing in the tower screaming,

"DISENGAGE!! DISENGAGE!!!!"

Yeah. I need him.

I need to disengage, BUT I'm so freakin' mad at him right now I cn't even see straight. And yes, that BUT is meant just the way it sounds.

GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am so effin sick of everybody bending over backwards to make sure his witty bitty feelings aren't hurt. Oh, poor baby. It's just like when he lived here. I didn't get to walk away from being an adult (I actually said that), I don't get to pick and choose what responsibilities I want (said that), and I've had my children for more than just four nights in six weeks (yep, said that too).

He wants them tonight, he doesn't want them. I'm still trying to get stuff done, and although I dearly love my kids, I am so worn out. He actually said, "Didn't we (WE!!!) just have them last weekend?Hmm?" Yeah, a$$hat, you did.

I'm so sick of his excuses. Sick of his acting like a baby. Sick of this sense of entitlement that permeates every-freaking-thing he does. (Eric, I think you touched on this topic. I'm going to have to read your thread again)

Get a job! Stop being a loser!

Right this second I don't give a sh!t if we ever get back together. Ever.

I reserve the right to change my mind tomorrow--but for right now I'm just pissed. I know this is part of it, the anger. I'm trying to do a better job of not blasting him, of directing it & letting go. But for now, I'm just going to be pissed.



If it is ever discussed (not that it ever will be, because right now he has no freakin' spine), then I am going to take my mother's suggestion and say something along these lines...

"I'm sorry you feel put out when I ask you to take the kids, H. Yes, you are right, my mother does watch them. Every minute I'm at work. Your mother has also been kind enough to help me out so I can work. Since you aren't working right now, I feel that you do have enough time to spend with them to help all of us take care of them. If this is not something you feel you can do, then I'm going to have to start asking for child support so I can pay someone to help me."


Or I can tell him to go get stuffed.

Dear God, it's going to be a long summer.