Babydoll, your H is not with an OW, right? That makes a HUGE difference between your sitch and mine!
Also I did not limit WH's time with S! Just because both of our Hs will be at the birth doesn't mean that your H will be like mine! Just take a break for now and go NC. You don't have to do this but you don't have to quit trying, either.
(((HUGS!!)))
me,34 exH,34 S,16 months S:3/31/09-left for OW started DBing 10/09 d final: sometime 10/10 current: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2022856&page=1 met in 2004
Hi BD, I am back home with my baby girl! I will write over on my thread, but my feeling is don't expect the birth to change how he feels (it might...but keep expectations low cos it didn't change NMs H and it hasn't changed mine... sadly), and the great thing is once your bub arrives, you'll care less about him! My case anyway..although we'll see how that goes once the euphoria wears off and 'real life' kicks in... (((big hugs)))
Me 36; H 40 baby born in May M:13, T:15 Bomb (OW): Dec 09 began DBing: Feb WH overseas with OW old: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2027369#Post2027369
No OW Newmama. but still, he has no intentions of reconciling. We argued today, actually I cried, H is sad and angry bc I told him to stay away. He went to look at baby furniture alone said I told him to stay out of my life and won't let him plan so he went by hinself. I asked why he asked me to the graduation and family functions if he doesn't see a future w/ me. Said I deserved to be there! For me there was not OW, instead his school/career was my competition. What took my H away.
Clearly he is ok w/o me.
Then tonight sends me a text about something on tv. Really?
What is this game he is playing. I think he truly just wants me in his life as his friend.
Darls, as you say, you are not ready to be his friend, you really aren't. Of course you aren't. In my sitch, I am not either, but I keep 'doing myself in' by trying to be something I am not (e.g. maybe a friend, when I want to be treated like his W, or be calm when actually I am angry) and each time I am about to meet up or have a conversation with WH I think to myself, THIS time I'll keep my calm and not lose it, and fail almost every time..!! As long as I judge him and have no respect for him, nor feel respect and remorse from him for leaving me pregnant, I can't "be friends". It took my parents over 2 decades to become "friends" after their amicable-enough divorce.
Too much contact, where we start to talk "issues" actually destroys (I think in my sitch has already or alrady destroyed) any chance of me and my H of being friends. I've now told WH that I don't love HIM anymore. You see...it can just degrade further and further (probably because of my personality - this may not happen to you - I'm too reactive a person to maintain a constant High Rd for more than 20-30mins!!).
That's the thing... I told H over and over not to come into my life bc I had no intentions of being his friend. Not now not ever. I don't see the need for it. You are either my husband or nothing. So we are oFficially nothing and always will be. H actually had the nerve to say you act like I ruined your life. You have so many people in your life, your family and friends and son, naybe you shouldn't have made me such a huge part of your life. Wow. Do I really need to hear anything else. I hung on him, didn't want to hear the rest.
This weekend feels like the wounds reopened and all the sadness and memories of the first few weeks came back. I'm angry. So darn angry. How could he do this to me!!!!!!!!!!!! What did I do to deserve this as my life!!!!!!! How dare he strip me of my happiness! All I did was love him and support him! And he walked away when I needed him the most. How dare he. And then to think he could use me to be his friend or bc he wants to be close to the baby... Why does he think he deserves it! Imagine the confidence it takes to walk out on your spouse then think u deserve their respect.
I always said it didn't work for me, but I believe NC is totally called for. Not to save the marriage, I think he has made it clear this is the reality of our lives. NC so I can forget him! So that I can learn to live my life w/o him. Today I truly feel like I could never forgive him or want him in my life. I would never want to reconcile with a bastard who did this to me. Who continues to use me in his life to his advantage and needs.
I told him friday to stay out of our lives (me and S and dog too!) Told him I will contact him after the birth. No need to have him there. I tried to let him in as the father, but he pushes further, gives me mixed signals and I can't take it.
H doesn't see calling and texxting me 10 times a day, nostly non-baby related and stopping over almost every night last week, to just kick off his shoes and lounge on the couch is mixed signals! Would the "neighbor" do that? No! Or inviting me to his grad and lunheon or coming to my sisters house.
Neighbor asked me today if I was naming son after H. Boy did she catch me on the wrong day, I told her everything. She was in shock. She agreed he is a total a-hole and couldn't believe it. She was probably sorry she asked! I was in a wretched mood..can't you tell!
Honestly I read all of these threads and how many of them actually reconcile? Maybe instead of "being positive" and thinking H will come back, I should think positive about my future as a single mom.
I am soooooooo angry today! I cried hysterically and screamed all alone in my house for hours! And meanwhile I still have nothing ready for the baby!
Anger feels empowering when you first finally feel it. It isn't, but it's OK to feel that way. Hopefully, you don't become one of those people that get stuck on angry though.
Life is going to be good.
M-47,W-40,No kids D-filed 5/27/2010 Piecing - 10/21/2010 -=Soon to be banned=-
You have every right to be angry! Feel it all the way! It will help you to detach which will help you to focus on yourself.
About NC- you did have a period of time where you have been seeing and talking to your H since the last period of NC. SO just because NC the first round didn't do anything, NC this round might. Because of what you did in the middle- put your best foot forward, involved him in your pregnanct. Que piche?
Still, do NC to help you feel better. It really, really does help YOU
Did you tell your H to not text you? Or are you just ignoring them?
me,34 exH,34 S,16 months S:3/31/09-left for OW started DBing 10/09 d final: sometime 10/10 current: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2022856&page=1 met in 2004
H doesn't see calling and texxting me 10 times a day, nostly non-baby related and stopping over almost every night last week, to just kick off his shoes and lounge on the couch is mixed signals! Would the "neighbor" do that? No! Or inviting me to his grad and lunheon or coming to my sisters house.
How selfish of your H. Seriously. He KNOWS YOU want him back as your H and he is hanging around because he misses you and doesn't feel like being married right now but wants to still have you as his friend?
So what boundaries did you set out for him- did you say "I would appreciate it if you would not come over, not call me, not text me?"
me,34 exH,34 S,16 months S:3/31/09-left for OW started DBing 10/09 d final: sometime 10/10 current: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2022856&page=1 met in 2004
Hey BD- Feel the anger fully, don't act out on it any more. Don't text or call him! If he contacts you, ignore! (Maybe even have the cell phone put a 3-day bounceback on his texts or something! I don't know if they do that.)
You can do a lot of these baby preps with other friends and family. He wants to be there, but he DOESN'T need to be. You can be very happy to do it without him.
Originally Posted By: Babydoll
Maybe instead of "being positive" and thinking H will come back, I should think positive about my future as a single mom.
I think you meant this sincerely, and I think it's a really good idea. That's true detachment and moving forward. Maybe he will respond to it and try to pull you back, but maybe he won't. Either way, you'll have a more peaceful pregnancy and you'll be happier.
Then, if you want to change things up (go bo peep) after the birth, you can.
You've probably got 5 weeks until the birth, right? Celebrate NC!
I just want to impress that NC before the birth is not a negative thing. You're not missing out on anything (like a good pregnancy), and you can start to create a peaceful, safe environment for your S and yourself and *maybe* (if he comes down to Earth) your H.
said I told him to stay out of my life and won't let him plan so he went by hinself. I asked why he asked me to the graduation and family functions if he doesn't see a future w/ me. Said I deserved to be there! For me there was not OW, instead his school/career was my competition. What took my H away.