That's the thing... I told H over and over not to come into my life bc I had no intentions of being his friend. Not now not ever. I don't see the need for it. You are either my husband or nothing. So we are oFficially nothing and always will be. H actually had the nerve to say you act like I ruined your life. You have so many people in your life, your family and friends and son, naybe you shouldn't have made me such a huge part of your life. Wow. Do I really need to hear anything else. I hung on him, didn't want to hear the rest.
This weekend feels like the wounds reopened and all the sadness and memories of the first few weeks came back. I'm angry. So darn angry. How could he do this to me!!!!!!!!!!!! What did I do to deserve this as my life!!!!!!! How dare he strip me of my happiness! All I did was love him and support him! And he walked away when I needed him the most. How dare he. And then to think he could use me to be his friend or bc he wants to be close to the baby... Why does he think he deserves it! Imagine the confidence it takes to walk out on your spouse then think u deserve their respect.
I always said it didn't work for me, but I believe NC is totally called for. Not to save the marriage, I think he has made it clear this is the reality of our lives. NC so I can forget him! So that I can learn to live my life w/o him. Today I truly feel like I could never forgive him or want him in my life. I would never want to reconcile with a bastard who did this to me. Who continues to use me in his life to his advantage and needs.
I told him friday to stay out of our lives (me and S and dog too!) Told him I will contact him after the birth. No need to have him there. I tried to let him in as the father, but he pushes further, gives me mixed signals and I can't take it.
H doesn't see calling and texxting me 10 times a day, nostly non-baby related and stopping over almost every night last week, to just kick off his shoes and lounge on the couch is mixed signals! Would the "neighbor" do that? No! Or inviting me to his grad and lunheon or coming to my sisters house.
Neighbor asked me today if I was naming son after H. Boy did she catch me on the wrong day, I told her everything. She was in shock. She agreed he is a total a-hole and couldn't believe it. She was probably sorry she asked! I was in a wretched mood..can't you tell!
Honestly I read all of these threads and how many of them actually reconcile? Maybe instead of "being positive" and thinking H will come back, I should think positive about my future as a single mom.
I am soooooooo angry today! I cried hysterically and screamed all alone in my house for hours! And meanwhile I still have nothing ready for the baby!
