Spouse Suffering From Depression

[Lucky11too]

Interesting weekend so far. I didn't really have much planned with H this weekend b/c he said he would just see us on Monday b/c he has it off. On Friday night though he texts me to see what I'm up to. I was just playing with S and asked what he had in mind. He said he wanted to come over and have one last fun night with me (since next week, he's sure to be grouchy and unpleasant) but that he was also really tired and wanted to go to sleep. I suggest since we were both tired that he should just come over and we could keep it low key and watch a movie and stuff. He comes over and we have a good time together and I guess he was already planning on staying over. That was fine with me b/c then I could see him on Sat too, but I had my facial in the morning. So Friday was great (it's times like that that make me think "we can make it"), but then Saturday was pretty blah. While I was at my facial, instead of getting up to play with S (I don't know if it was ackward for him that my dad was watching S or what), he left to go run an errand and then went to his mom's house. When I got back, he came back, and he took S and I to a late brunch. That was good, but we started talking about some things that made me uncomfortable. Sometimes I honestly don't know why he says the things he does. Quick overview of topics. 1 - he gave up his no drinking before surgery rule. He said not drinking didn't make his body feel any better, so what's the point. OMG, are you serious? You really expect your body to feel better after just a few days? Thank goodness he won't be able to drink the next 2 weeks b/c of the surgery and the medicine he'll be on. 2 - He tells me how his morals are weird and as an example about this tells me about a disagreement him & a few of his friends got in. You had him and a few others on the "I wouldn't let my girl go to vegas (or out) but it's ok for me" side and the other (one guy on his own) on the "if I don't want her to go then it wouldn't be fair for me to go" side. I made a comment about how that was a double standard for him to say that, and H's reply "That's why you're single". What!? I don't why, but H just has a way of making mean comments (not just to me but to EVERYONE). That's something about him as a person I really do not like. That plus his off moral sense is making me very hesitant about a future together.

I had a little walk down memory lane last night that made me pretty sad. I was going thru some boxes of junk that I had sitting in my room since I moved in with my parents and I found some really old pics of H and I. It was H's first birthday that we were together (back when we were 17 and 19) and I had made him a cake. I remember it so clearly b/c H started tearing up when I had given him that cake (H was also "mr. tough guy" and didn't cry, so that meant something). We were just so happy but so young. I honestly hardly recognize us now, especially H. The change is remarkable! It was just another sad remimder tho of all the wonderful memories that H is throwing away.

But anyways, a few more days until the surgery. H still does not know where he is staying to recover b/c his newphew is still at his mom's house. His dad said the newphew needs to go back to his own home, but the MIL, the "enabler", just keeps trying to baby him. It's just frustrating - he's 18 now, got kicked out of his final semester of highschool for his grades (pretty much all f's and d's) and now just sits around the house or out and about doing nothing. Yeah, definitely not time to be enabling. It's time for some tough love for that kid! But back to H, it's just funny how quickly he forgets the responsibility of having an S. He starts suggesting other alternatives like maybe we could stay at a hotel, but then I have to remind him that that would definitely NOT work for S. He's a busy and active boy and there is not way you could enclose him in a hotel room all weekend. He's like oh yeah, so the verdicts still out on where he will stay. So we'll see what happens with that.

So for the rest of the weekend my sis and BIL are coming over tonight for a bbq, and then tomorrow, supposed to have time with S and H, so fun times ahead! =)