The only difference is she decided to divorce to do it.
Well, that is quite a significant difference. If it weren't, then why are so many people not ready to take that step? (Although I realize that some stay legally married for practical, rather than emotional, reasons.)
Doesn't not taking that step send the message to the WAS that "I'll still be here for you no matter what you do?"
She was commited to her marriage, but required a reciprocal commtment from her spouse. She wasn't waiting, or wondering whether to go dim or dark or trying to act upbeat or be the better option. Her self-esteem didn't take a pummeling because she was hanging in there while her H had an affair. (She suspected an affair, which she found out post-divorce, was in fact the case.) I would also imagine that because she moved on quickly and really made him work, to get her back, it less likely that something similar will happen in the future.
