Cause for alarm?

[Puppy Dog Tails]

Not sure if you can either ask for or demand respect from your W. She must decide when and if to give it to you. Asking for or demanding respect right now is a sure fire way to an argument (or sigh, scoff, or eye roll).

OIN can't demand respect. He can, however, demand to be treated respectfully, with common courtesies and civility that one would give a stranger, and remove himself from the situation when she doesn't do it. A subtle -- but important -- distinction.

He's doing that very well.

Puppy

[DaddyLongShanks]

I know its hard OIN, but remember you said on this forum some time ago that your wife had to deal with that for ten years off and on roughly yes?

How long has it been? Six months?

You are doing fantastic, just keep it up... Your wife does not seem to be behaving like someone who has her mind set on leaving... My impression is that she's unconsciously testing you... every day to determine your resolve and maturity level... She wants to know this is going to last LONG TERM and it isn't just a short term stunt to trick her into trusting you again...

That's my take on it anyway...

I used to think like this, but what has she done to gain his trust?

[Allen A]

That's not her objective right now DLS, never was... HE has to convince her to trust HIM first...

[OfficerInNeed]

W came home from work early due to the pain associated with the fall from yesterday.

W got changed out of her work clothes and had walked into the bedroom to show me the bruising on her buttock as a result of the fall from her bike. I expressed concern.

W then came to bed barely able to use her right arm due to the pain. W asked for something to eat and so I prepared her something. W then went to sleep.

W is being secretive with her text messages, but from the logs I can see she is texting female friend from work...this is usually who my W turns to talk about OM for the most part.

W has not spoke future tense since the day she learned about the phone call and admitted in her own way she was trying to make it work but cannot find happiness with me. Right now it seems she is just going with the flow until the apartment is ready.

[Lotus]

She should have her arm x-rayed. If it is broken it will need to be set for it to heal properly. And, hey, she showed you her buttock!

[Allen A]

And, hey, she showed you her buttock!

lol

[Allen A]

I suspect your wife is talking to her friend about OM and looking for support for the mess she's made of her workplace reputation and her household...

I would guess her friend will eventually get sick of your wife playing victim to everyone... The tune does get old... even to friends and family.

OM may need to keep clear of her friend too, just to reassure his wife he's not picking up messages from a third party.

[OfficerInNeed]

OK this is what I am told.

This female co-worker already is annoyed by my W, but she listens. This female co-worker is better friends with my friend who also works with them. This female co-worker tells my friend at times what they talk about. This female co-worker told my friend that she has her own family to worry about she does not want to get involved.

Now this female co-worker does have a "relationship" with OM good friend who also works with them.

So it is hard to determine what female co-workers intentions are or what advice she is giving.

What signs am I looking for at this point? How do I know we are progressing and she is getting over OM? No one can guarantee the two do not at least exchange a few words here and there but I have people who are looking out for me then I have OMW who tells me all is glory on their end.

[MrBond]

OIN,

IMO, I would say to stop looking for signs. They've driven you crazy. Detach your feelings from your W and start concentrating on yourself and your needs. I'm not talking about dating, etc. I'm saying that you need to detach so that you don't get sucked into your W's drama.

And it is your W's drama. Not yours.

Let me put it to you this way. Just because your W might have ended things with this OM, there's not guarantee that there's not another one in the future.

Start detaching now and see if she continues to follow.

[OfficerInNeed]

I have detached the best I can for the situation we are in. We still live together and often do thing with each other. I do not let her emotions impact mine like I use to.

I am not sure how detached I have to be....