The year of not my problem

[AJM]

Journaling:
Had a great time with friends and my son yesterday. Went to their lake house for a barbeque and party. Just plain relaxing. Ahhhh... Then to a baseball game last night with a few friends from the local divorce support group. Still fun. All in all a good relaxing time.
The downsides were the times stbx intervened. Feels like she is trying to control things. Me. She was asking questions via my son. Not liking that. Told him that I didn't want him in the middle. His mother can ask me directly if she wants to know something and vice versa. I don't want him in the middle of that.
This morning woke up to a text from her saying she didn't come home last night and should have told me. She apologized.
That just feels controlling. On the one hand, she hasn't told me her plans or whereabouts for years, except sporadically. In previous years I saw that as part of her rebellion. The rebellion wasn't against me per se. I see that. But now? Why bother telling me? It's over, at her insistance. Why would I care where you are? Why are you annoying me with this drama and just bullshit? 'Cause it is annoying. Same as when she tries to question me about the safety of the kids, or some other aspect of what I'm doing. For crying out loud. How much more of this is there going to be?
Just feels like controlling insanity. "Do as I say, but not as I do" kind of stuff. As well as "are you there? - I want to divorce you, but I want to know you care" ?
It doesn't work like that. It cannot. That would bring me into insanity. I am letting go. I am actively working through all my feelings and letting go one piece at a time. Those were my choices before. Now it is my choice. There can be no more of this. You have made up your mind (supposedly) and I cannot be part of your life any longer. Please stop the insane thought that you will be able to influence or otherwise control my life. That's what you wanted. That's what you asked for. That's the decision you made and say you stand behind.
</venting>
I realize some of this is your own insecurity about the kids as well. I realize some of this is something else that's going on with you. I realize that you are hurt that I told you the truth about your behavior, although why you chose to be hurt I do not know; it's my opinion of your behavior and I doubt you disagree. I think it's more that you see it and don't know why you are doing it. I realize that you are upset by your behavior as is everyone that ever knew you before this began. Not your new friends of course - they validate everything and are so screwed up, likely feel good that somebody like you is more drama filled than they are. I'm projectig an opinion there, I know. But please just leave me out of it. Let me go. I am letting go of you, and have no need or desire to do otherwise. You have killed the marriage and backfilled your reasons to make it seem like you did the right thing. Ok. I accept that. I cannot do otherwise because I cannot change it. Ok. Enough already.
</now I'm really done venting >

The text this morning annoyed me. I suspect that will not stop any time soon. No need to respond to it, but thanks for letting me vent

AJ