Help, guys, I'm thinking of snooping. I'm dreaming up all sorts of things right now, like H is planning a D as a bomb, etc. I'm sure OW is pushing him on the financial issues, he'd never be doing these things otherwise, they're just not his cup of tea, if you get my drift.
Maybe it's time for me to go over there and let them all know that I am standing and that's that... they seem to need to talk about H every time we meet, but they don't need to, really. Perhaps it's time to change the air and just say - hey, stop thinking about it. This is the new family structure for the immediate future. It may not make sense to you, but this is the way it is.
: )
Good idea.
Quote:
Help, guys, I'm thinking of snooping. I'm dreaming up all sorts of things right now, like H is planning a D as a bomb, etc. I'm sure OW is pushing him on the financial issues, he'd never be doing these things otherwise, they're just not his cup of tea, if you get my drift.
...
snooping is like cocaine.
Ever try it?
Ever try and stop?
It is addictive.
Lets say you don't find something...now you HAVE to find something so you keep looking...or worse...you do find something and now you want to find more...
Its like falling off a cliff...really fukcing hard to stop yourself.
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
M&H - I understand your urge to "snoop" the need to know....but you already know....snooping will only hurt you and it's not going to change the situation or help the situation. Is it going to help you? What are you going to gain? Nothing...just more pain.
M53 H54 D17 M33Y T38Y Bomb OW 09/09 OUT 10/09 BACK 11/09 OUT 01/10 WANTS TO R 04/10 BACK with OW 05/10 Wants to Reconcile 05/11 I said NO
I have to agree--snooping at this point to get gory details does not help anything. If you wanted some motivation to get angry and leave, then go ahead. If you don't want to leave, then don't torture yourself!!!!
me,34 exH,34 S,16 months S:3/31/09-left for OW started DBing 10/09 d final: sometime 10/10 current: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2022856&page=1 met in 2004
Strength to you, your sitch sounds very similar to mine for the past year and half. My husband was at home most of the time, but would visit OW on weekends. He's still here, but just recently started D paperwork. I admit that I snooped a few months ago and found a 'happy anniversary' card from the OW. OUCH! Such pain, and I just kicked myself. However, when H started really pushing for D soon after, it did help explain his motivation. I think mine is getting pressure from OW. I'm not sure if it was in any way worsened by my attitude of knowing it was their 'anniversary'.
Probably you are better off not knowing, and if your marriage is in stagnation, at least it isn't moving backwards, and there is hope.
Me - 38 Husband - 40 MLC! Together 12 years Married 11 years Still the love of my life Forever only lasted 10 years before his MLC and affair
Thanks, guys. I'm better. I was just getting angry about finances. Money doesn't really matter and the fact of the matter is that he would have to have a QDRO drawn up if we got divorced to get any of his retirement money out. Before then, he needs both spouses to sign. In my state, retirement funds are marital property. Him changing his email address does nothing... I was just wondering what they were planning. Who cares in the long run? The Lord is on my side, so who can be against me?
Forever, so sorry... stagnation stinks, doesn't it?
My sitch is only 2 months from bomb and approx 5 months from when H started showing signs (HS reunion) - although I think this has been under the surface for 7 years already... but 2 months in from bomb is not very long and for it to be stagnant already, it's just so frustrating.
M&H - That video is priceless - we should all take lessons from this little one. Maybe I'll try it - dance in the front of a mirror and chant about the good things in my life
You say "Stagnation stinks"...sometimes it may feel like stagnation, but you need time to "process" it all, you may not realize it but even when you don't think there is progress you are internally working through issues...don't be impatient with yourself. As you said your sitch is fairly new...it all takes time.
(((hugs)))
M53 H54 D17 M33Y T38Y Bomb OW 09/09 OUT 10/09 BACK 11/09 OUT 01/10 WANTS TO R 04/10 BACK with OW 05/10 Wants to Reconcile 05/11 I said NO
I got the bomb & he filed for d a week later. Stayed in the same house with me, he just moved to the guest room. I didn't know about ow & I admit, I had to snoop to find out. My Lawyer told me to find out, I hired a PI, but b/c ow was in another state I found out by snooping. I think b/c of all that I found out I got more in my D. My lawyer told me I did good. But my h was not open about ow, he lied & kept lying even after I knew (he didn't know I had found out). In your case, I don't think it's a good ideal, it's like the others have said, it only hurts.
