YAY! I knew you'd be updating us this weekend! Can't wait to hear it all!!!!
me,34 exH,34 S,16 months S:3/31/09-left for OW started DBing 10/09 d final: sometime 10/10 current: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2022856&page=1 met in 2004
Okay, great to hear from you all ! Been thinking of you all this past week! Waiting for bub to wake up so I can feed her.
So, how to keep a long story short?
first, the birth: Okay, so last Saturday night I start having contractions which are about 5mins apart and last till Monday morning! 1cm dilation only! They were super painful and I couldn't really rest or cope anymore, so off to the Birth Centre for a checkup and some pain releif and sleeping pills. They monitor bub through my contractions and decide we need to get her out as she's showing signs of tacacardia (fast heartbeat due to stress). So oxytocin drip goes in, contractions 1-2mins apart, I want to DIE from the pain so I take the gas, then 5hrs later beg for the epidural. I was so fatigued, and was so OVER pain. I really felt a switch go in my head which said, "I've had enough suffering (this whole pregnancy), time for peace...", so I called for an epidural which when it started working was the best thing for me ever... I was able to be full alert, happy and also still feeling the sensations of pressure and pushing as she finally came into the world. It was the most amazing experience ever!!
Little one looked at me straight away in the eyes and gurgled at me (no crying!) and fed 10 mins later.. I was really excited more than 'in love' for the first minutes, but then the love just started to swell & I really felt this little creature was an angel sent from heaven.
Because of the extremely long labour & my personal sitch I was allowed to stay in the hospital for 5 nights which was brilliant..learnt so much about breastfeeding (it's such hard work to get it all moving in the first few days) and had the amazing support of the hospital staff. Really didn't want to come home!
Bub was born at 3.20 am, and at 5 I felt in such good spirits I sms'd WH and said she was born and he could come in to the hospital right then (he was at home). He hopped to it.
It was a truly bizarre thing to watch WH meet her and attempt to bond. There was something desperate, sad, needy, surreal about it. He was awkward, and it was like he couldn't get close to her enough. It made me a little uneasy, although I know he'd never hurt her or anything. He just seemed out of his depth. And of course the build up to this moment must have been so huge for him.
He then stayed the whole day and it was the first time my direct family had seem him in months.. it was quite awkward and they all said later that WH was not the same person, was an 'empty shell'.
*sorry , I am rushing this post!***
He came 2 more times across the week at my invitation. Seems to love the baby, but in the way a man who has walked out on a life might love a baby. If that makes sense? Stayed those extra times for about 2hrs and I made sure again he had alone-time. Usually ended in R conversations and me getting upset at him. Found it hard to be in the same room and not talk about 'us'. Since so much about "us" revolves around and is intertwined with the baby...
Other things: -he has mentioned going back to Europe in about 3months (but when I had a go at him once, he agreed it might be better to leave sooner. Oops.) - says he knows I contacted a lawyer because after my lawyer comment in a recent email he rang one and it happened to be the same one and they said they couldn't represent him becasue i was already on their books! Can you believe it! - I told him I don't love him anymore. I regret that cos I didn't mean it. -He has taken heaps of photos of her, I think only one of me with her and that was on the last occassion -Keeps repeating he has not wanted to be with me for YEARS (up to 7 years!!). Find that devastating.
My stay in hospital, although hard work and very tiring with all the breastfeeding lessons, lack of sleep and constant activity, was a real haven for me. It was a break from the turmoil of the last 6 months, and leaving today has been tricky.. I am a little sad to be back in the 'real world'. Back at my mums. But even then, although it is not the life I want, I only have to look at my baby girl and feel less alone, and have much more purpose. I think less about trying to save my M with WH, and realise he is definately NOT the man I need today. I hope he could change, and we could meet again down the track and fall in love again...
I need to work on that...
and meanwhile, enjoy every minute of this precious little bundle!
Wow, that is amazing to hear your D gurlged at you instead of crying! She knows how strong you are! What a birth-I bet you have a lot of healing to do and I wish you a speedy recovery.
Quote:
and it was like he couldn't get close to her enough.
Do you mean he was squeezing and squishing her? (not literally but it looks like it?) I see so many dads do that (including WH)! Do you think he wants nothing to do with your daughter now?
Quote:
-Keeps repeating he has not wanted to be with me for YEARS (up to 7 years!!). Find that devastating.
This is rewriting history- don't believe it. He may be threatened that you contacted a lawyer, hurt that you said you don't love him, and is "lashing out" emotionally. I find it interesting that he said he would leave in 3 months. I swear I remember reading ina post that he said he would be leaving right away...is that right?
Quote:
But even then, although it is not the life I want, I only have to look at my baby girl and feel less alone, and have much more purpose. I think less about trying to save my M with WH, and realise he is definately NOT the man I need today. I hope he could change, and we could meet again down the track and fall in love again... and meanwhile, enjoy every minute of this precious little bundle!
Excellent Piano! Keep this momentum going. While your H is with OW, it will be easier on you if your H leaves so you can forget about him until he returns from lala land.
How often is your baby girl eating? Does she breastfeed for long periods at a time or short? How much did she weigh? Does she fit in her newborn clothes?
me,34 exH,34 S,16 months S:3/31/09-left for OW started DBing 10/09 d final: sometime 10/10 current: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2022856&page=1 met in 2004
Thanks so much for updating us on everything. I was so excited to hear back from you!
Originally Posted By: Piano
I really felt a switch go in my head which said, "I've had enough suffering (this whole pregnancy), time for peace...", so I called for an epidural
I have had similar thoughts. Your labor was also quite long. I'm really glad they let you stay for 5 days!
I'm so happy about your feelings for your little girl, too. I'm really excited to experience that myself. I can imagine that it's so empowering and that WH does fade a bit-- if he doesn't want to take care of her like he should, then f*&%$ that!!! (Not just your WH I'm talking about, but mine.)
WH stuff: he sounds very alien. I'm glad that other people noticed the difference. 7 years? He says that to make himself feel better. Total script, of course. My WH says 5 years. I can try to imagine what he means-- yeah, maybe for 5 years you wondered what it would be like to be single or with someone else-- SO DID I and everyone else on the planet in a long relationship. But that is not a reason to up and leave. Especially during a pregnancy, come on. (And it's not "wanting to leave.")
I hope that the 'real world' is going well so far. It's awesome because YOU get to create the world you want for your daughter. Fill it with safety, laughter, sunshine (er, it's winter there huh?), and as much joy as possible.
TTYL, P!
me, 30 WH, 29 D born June 2010 M: July 2001 Bomb/S: 1/14/10 Done with it all.
Piano congratulations on the safe arrival of your little one.If he didnt react the way some of us had hoped then he is deep into the fog.Enjoy you first days with yur little one and dont let anyone waste that for you both.Its still early days.God Bless you both.((hugs)))
ME 44 H 45 D 14 D 20 M 22 YEARS TOGETHER 28YEARS Bomb Drop 14th July 09 Seperated-living with OW 10mths(14/07/09) MLC 3years
Silence wasn't golden in this marriage; it was deadly," Dr. Robin L. Smith
Just try and focus on your little sweet pea, your little gift from God...soon she will look at you with recognition and adoration you will be in awe!!! You will know how truly important YOU are!!!
(((hugs)))
M48 H53 M16 T18 S16 D13 SS30 H drops bomb PA/8-30-09 H leaves 12-30-09 D filed by H 2-10 H asks to come home 4-11 Piecing
Thankyou NM, I am feeling quite fit 7 days on. Bub feeding well, every 3 hrs I would say and it's been much easier since my milk came in few days ago (her sleep is deeper). She wieghed 3.6 kgs and is back to her birth weight already, and has rosy cheeks and no signs of jaundice. She never really fit into her 0000 sized clothes, so she's in her 000's.
Yes! WH was squeezing and squishing her! Funny you say that! I'm quite relieved he is not the only father that does that...I should say he also looks to be less and less clumsy with her, more relaxed and confident with each visit, but still takes all cues from me.
For the moment, my WH wants to see her often - it's not stated, just obvious. Since his life is still up in the air ( I don't know, he doesn't know when he is leaving...he still is trying to secure work for starters & is still in a friend's spare bedroom...it's obvious he has been waiting for the birth to see how things pan out before deciding whether to leave or not!), I don't dare ask or lay down a long term visitation schedule with him. Perhaps I should suggest a short term one?
He initiated a 2hr visit today. His 4th in 6 days. He seems besotted. More photos. I guess "loving" a child and wanting to parent them two different things for some nutty people. WH has not stated he would like to co-parent her because I guess that would mean comitting to stay in the country and possibly ruin chances with OW. Out of interest, he did say during a bad argument that he would be happy to take the baby back to Europe and parent her there...!! Sans moi, obviously.
Nothing else exceptional happened other than that he asked me how I was feeling post the birth (said I looked great & asked if there was a change in how I felt hormonally from the time I was pregnant to post birth...?? I replied that my whole life was changed, and I didn't think much about my hormones. He also asked a bit more about the birth itself. I felt these questions were inapporpriate. I wouldn't tell the postman about this stuff!
