glam-It does seem like we should be able to talk some sense into them especially after all this time but it is true the more we talk, the farther they run. For the most part, I am okay with my H running because I am so tired of everything being about him and what he wants. I am so tired of the way he continues to put me off saying that things will change eventually but eventually keeps being put off. And then when he told me I've cry wolf too many times, I just lost it because he can't see that he is more guilty of that then I ever have been. Anyway, the only day I know for sure won't work will be the 23rd. Let me know what works for you.
OP & snodderly-I have seen for myself many, many times that pressuring my H only makes him run and I know I am pressuring him now however, something in me did finally snap and I can't take his selfishness anymore. I understand that my H is damaged and trying to heal but there have been times when I have needed the same understanding and compassion that I have given him. He is only there for me when it is convenient for him and that isn't working for me. There is a part of me that still loves my H and it is hard for me to just walk away from what I have worked to hold together for the last three years. I know my H loves me too. So, I can't help but look back and wonder if I am doing the right thing. I just can't continue on with the status quo. Even though I am a little scared, I am ready to move on...however I'm not sure I am completely closing the door. I just can't continue to wait to see if my H is ever going to put more than just his foot in the door. Maybe he needs to go off and finish baking on his own in order to learn to appreciate me once again. I don't know if proceeding with the divorce is or isn't the right answer. I do know I never wanted it and I would still prefer not to get divorced...however, I can't keep going on not really feeling loved and appreciated. Does any of this make sense?
snodderly, to answer your question about why I signed the papers, I did it because I don't want to keep doing what we have been doing. I am so tired of having that carrot dangled only for it to move farther away if I reach for it. I'm not sure it is worth it anymore. I have never been a person with a lot of patience and I think I have given all I have and then some.
If I ask myself what I really want, I want my H to be more like the man I married. Do I want a divorce? No, I do not but I don't want to spend the rest of my life waiting to see if my H can ever emotionally let me in. The one thing I have learned through this process is that I can't change my H and that I have to accept him for who he is. Who he is right now is someone who is so scared to make the wrong move, he can't make any move at all. I know you think he was making movements towards me, so did I but now it just seems like an illusion...maybe it was just me convincing myself that he was moving toward me. I just can't do it anymore...if he is in my life, I need more from him and I know he can't give it to me.
