My UFO (unbelievably fabulous observations)

[kat727]

I thought about what you asked, regarding trust and choices. I felt that I answered that with the jealousy thing. Do I think anything is going on? Do I trust him? No, I don't really think anything is going on. Yes I feel as if I can trust him.

The issue I have is me. I look back and see that I am friends to one degree or another with almost everyone of my previous boyfriends. Some I have lost track of. However, if I can continue to have a good relationship with them then that must say something about my choices in the the people I have cared for. That they still care for me, speaks for itself as well. My ex, made these choices that led him away from what marriage means and what options were available to fix any issues that we had. HE made those choices, not I.

It has affected my self-esteem though. I thought I must somehow be lower than my H if he could so easily walk away from myself and our children. Looking back I don't think he was ever faithful to any girlfriend before me. So he may have been faithful while dating me(perhaps not)but he certainly hadn't been once we got married. So now I doubt myself more. Am I deserving of what this new relationship can bring or will I be so scared that I will end it before he hurts me. That my dear is where I am at. I have had time to ponder. I am worth it but I need to figure out how not to let myself go to dark thoughts.

I hope that answers your question better.

kat