Part of respecting him is knowing that he has a choice of whether or not to respond to my requests, but can I live with his response? If I can't, can I live with mine?
Right now, I'm in my own withdrawal.
It's not about self-esteem, right now, because I know I can live without a relationship with him, and I can live without a relationship with anyone. I don't "need" a man to be happy and satisfied. I do have a life outside of romantic relationships. If nothing else, I have a fulfilling and extreme thought-life. ;p
I'm also not saying I don't expect answers, but I am saying that I expect them, in time. I ask for the answers, and he'll either say he'll tell me later, or that was all of them (which usually those ARE satsifactory), or indicate that he's not ready to talk about them right then. Just because I'm not satisfied doesn't mean he hasn't answered, at least, in part. That's the part I'm referring to as the answer being unsatisfactory...it isn't complete. When he's put me off, due to the presence of his flatmate, I have asked for a time frame. He doesn't seem to do well with them, and neither do I, so I try not to ask for it. I just try to remember to ask when I think it's a suitable time for him to discuss it, and that has worked out fairly well.
Also, I hope you will trust me when I say that I'm very loud when I feel disrespected. Yeah, that doesn't go over very well. The problem now is to learn when I'm truly being disrespected, and when I'm not, or when certain deeds strike me as disrespectful, regardless of intent and how able I am to cope with them.
Let me also take this moment to say that there are significant buffers between him and me. It doesn't mean I don't hurt, but I do think the hurt could be much greater, if those buffers weren't in place. I'm more able to look at my situation with him with logic, rather than just feelings. One of those is that I'm continuing with the notion that he and I are "just friends," right now, until and unless we can come to some sort of understanding, and that does include deep talks about why he does some of the things he does. I cannot go forward in a relationship without that understanding. It has to be real, not synthesized by my mind.
You certainly did NOT give the impression that abusive situations shouldn't end. You would know if that was my understanding. lol!
I'm NOT offended, at all! I hope you can see that I'm just running down the situation in light of your post, not taking offense or feeling defensive. I have areas where I don't perceive myself well, but other areas, I have no trouble with esteem. I have been through the ringer, and to stand up for myself has been a challenge, but I've finally learned how to do that. This R may be another keystone in that process, and I'm willing, for whatever reason, I'm not entirely sure, to go back into the fray for this guy.
I'm willing to be patient, to influence, and to hopefully, embark on a new relationship with him. All the while, you are right that I need to keep my self-esteem in check. If I get into the red on my self-esteem, I will know that I just can't continue in the R, and I will back away. I was seeing the possibility of strong hits to my esteem, and that is why I backed off to friendship. Can't go there, again. Can't feed the depression. I won't sacrifice myself, as there are others who depend on me.
You would know if that was my understanding. lol!