Maybe I didn't blow it?

[james217]

Right on, James. You sound a lot better lately... Makes me smile.


So, I've calmed down enough to tell the whole story of what happened last week. Looking back on it, I think I handled it properly, I dunno. Except for starting the R talk.

Honestly, I thought it was time for some sort of talk. After spending so much time together, I needed to know what her intentions, at least SHORT term, for this were. If she was just going to tell me it meant nothing, then I was prepared for that, but I wanted to at least know where her head was at right now.

Anyways... Heres the story.


I originally told her that I thought a big problem we had when we were together was not talking to each other about stuff, and I felt we were still doing that now.

She told me that I tend to be very short with my replies when talking to her, and I have always done that. She said she gets sick of the "cool" or "i see" replies when she is telling me about things. She wants to talk and she wants me to ask more open ended questions and so on. I thanked her for telling me, and told her now that I know I can work on that.

I understood what she was saying, and told her I would very much love to get more involved with her life, and talk about anything and everything with her, but I am reluctant to get too involved in her life, as I am literally waiting for her to divorce me. I told her that since we have started talking and seeing each other again I have tried to hold back as to not get attached because while I do very much like seeing her, I then just go back to my apartment and wait for the divorce, and as long as nothing has changed in that aspect, I just cant get too involved.

I told her that if she wanted to continue seeing me, there were some things I needed. Basically all I wanted for us is that if either of us is seeing someone else (im not), then we cease that immediately.

I didn't demand anything. I just said in order for me to keep my self respect, I could not be with you as a lover or a friend while you are with other guys.

She told me she is dating.

I said I knew that, what I am talking about is not dating. It is actually seeing another person, and I asked again, are you seeing anyone.

She said yes.

I said then we are done here, and I let her know how disgusted I was that she would spend the night at my apt. and have sex with me while sleeping with someone else.

IMMEDIATE backtrack.

W - "Who said I'm sleeping with anyone?"

My reply - I wasn't born yesterday, if you are seeing someone you are sleeping with them, so don't lie to me anymore.

W - I'm just dating him.

My reply - I refuse to be in an open marriage with you. You may think that because we are spearated that means you are single, but to me, it does not. What are you doing is not dating, it is an affair and I want no part of this.

I then went on to use the lines that I would not be a backup plan, or second best.

She told me I am neither of these things, and that she thinks about me all the time.

I told her I could not do this anymore.

She then went off into the usual angry tirade. Accused me of talking bad about her to everyone (I havent) and went so far as to say "And tell all your friends I said f*ck off, cause I'm sure everyone is just going to hate me ever more now"

I did not reply to that.

She then told me that I was just being the same old me, and that I was never there for her emotionally, or physically.

The never there for her physically was a new one.

She then continued to blow my mind, and accused me of having an affair a few months before she left. Totally untrue in every way whatsoever.

Te conversation ended with me telling her, again, that I would not have anything to do with her while she is seeing other guys, and if she wanted to see me again, that behavior has to stop now.

She sad "please stop this"

And ended the conversation.

That was Thursday. No contact since then.

The end.

I'm doing ok, considering. I'm pretty angry and right now and I still feel "done". We'll see what the next few months bring I guess, but as things are now, I just have to get away from her.

Well you set some boundaries. You kept your cool it seems. This is a tough sitch man. I know I've been there.

It was NOT FUN when I found out WAW was doing all those disgusting things but what can I do about it.

I think you're doing fine. I would advise you to keep your distance and stay N.C./DARK for awhile so that you don't get attached all over again (like I did) and suffer anymore hurt.

It won't be days or weeks. Might not even be a month for her to stop doing what she is doing.

I finally went out on the date because I just needed to get out there man. It's nothing serious. I'd advise you to do the same.

Just get out. Have some fun. I'm trying to and trust it's not easy at all.

One day at a time man