As far as ending the relationship, I don't see that as an unhealthy response, if it's the right one. For instance, in his withdrawing, I see the possibilities of passive-aggression and verbal abuse. That is part of my history or baggage, whichever you prefer. I have a long history of being abused, starting in childhood. Removing myself from the relationships I've been in has been one of the only ways to deal with most of it. For instance, a situation with my dad escalated to the point of threats and his wanting to take it outside, I kicked him from my home, then didn't speak to him at all for a while and minimally for a year. Boy has he changed his tune!
My ex sexually assaulted me, and the answer was to exit.
Now, I am having to piece together my new guy's motivations (because motivations mean a lot to me), and it's so confusing. Although I don't want this to be abusive, I have little else to base the information on. Sometimes, I can see and understand that he has his valid reasons for doing what he does, and at others, I see that he doesn't.
Given that he also has a history of abuse...done to him, I think he and I can offer a lot of understanding to one another.
Okay, and to be clear, I'm not trying to be defensive here. In fact, I am really super glad you're not taking the stance, "He's being a jerk, leave him." I've heard that till I want to throw socks at the next person to say that, cleanliness being undetermined.
I do see him making efforts toward things it seems others have stated to him were bad for relationships, and then when I have expressed some boundaries and such, he has adhered to them. So, at some level there is respect there.
As I said though, I have had to piece this all together, and it's been exhausting. heh.
