My Husband Just Left Me

[newmama]

I don't want to answer his email now. Do you think that's okay? I don't really have anything to say and I would like to speak with the DB coach on Monday to get her thoughts.

Yes, it is totally ok to wait awhile before responding. You are "busy" GALing and dealing with stuff, right? So what if you take a few days...it won't hurt anything. And then you can get comfort from your DB coach.

I'm glad Lotus reminded you that we folks are just people with opinions about wanting to save marriages and prevent divorce. The best tools you have are a combination of STRATEGY and INTUITION.

Fear gets thrown in there and makes it hard but if you ask yourself "am I doing this because I am afraid or because it is the right thing to do?" every time, eventually the consistent "response" will be your intuition. Ex: I didn't want my WH to see S outside of our home so I allowed him to stay at the house when he visited. So at certain periods, I would ask myself "should I tell WH he can't come over anymore?" every day for several days and consistently, the answer was "no. not at this time." (lol- magic 8 ball response?) but sure enough, it bought me 5 more months of time to show my improvements, try to meet some of his LLs and give him a taste of what he is giving up if he chooses to D. Also, my body felt good with this decision even though friends and family were pressuring me to not let him come over.

Now around March, when WH said he wanted to D, my body started screaming "don't let WH keep coming over! it's time!" every day but I fought it and said it was my fear. How do I know it was my intuition? Again, the feeling stayed with me every day and wouldn't leave. Also, after I made the change in April (after WH's most recent D discussion), I felt SOOOOO good! No regrets! SO I knew it was the right thing to do! Hey, if it was the wrong thing then I could have changed it back. At this time, I am accepting it if he really goes through with D and feel content that I did everything I could, and did not act too hastily. So my little tangent was just an example of how I listened to my intuition throughout this DBing process.

I was normally the very aggressive "leader" out of the two of us. WH was always much less motivated to do things. I'm trying to think about what I normally would have done with the email...I probably would have yelled at him which I'm obviously not giong to do but in terms of ending phone service - should I go ahead?

Good- doing what he wouldn't expect, like not yelling at him, is good strategy and hey, good practice for learning self restraint, lol! See, doing things they don't expect show that we ARE capable of changing, that we are mysterious, that they don't have us "pegged" after all!

Phone service- go ahead- shows strength-but you can always run it by your DB coach for comfort in making your decision.

Also, I want to split up accounts but its going to be an absolute nightmare. The easiest thing would be for him to sign so he does not have access to one of the accounts and then our bill paying, etc would still be automatically done. Otherwise, I am going to have to contact every single person and redo the account info.

A sign of strength would be approaching him about this and asking for him to sign. It would be the same strength as packing his bags for him or changing the phone service .

just my opinions of course!