still separated, headed for D?

[newmama]

A friend sent me this article about "husband hunters."

http://glo.msn.com/relationships/beware-the-husband-hunter-1533311.story?gt1=49006

[newmama]

just wanted to say it is interesting that I don't care how I act with WH since I know of my future plan. But I will still put my best foot forward.

also I think WH's excuse on the paperwork is probably "don't have the time" because just now he mentioned how crazy he has been working and "running around" the last few weeks and hasn't had time to get estimates for the lawn. I offered to get some for him and he just said "no, I think it is something I should take care of."

He also seemed to be asking for sympathy- he walked in all stiff (I swear a little exaggerated) and I just said "oh your back is still bugging you?" then he added how he couldn't kick his cold...that he thinks he just needs to rest. Maybe one day of resting would help. I just nodded.

(he doesn't HAVE to take S on Monday, Memorial Day- he could use that day to rest! But no, he asked if he could have him then. I wonder if he is also filling up his time so he "doesn't have time" to do the paperwork.)

[Babydoll]

NM, not questioning your actions. Honestly I feel for you. I've been in this for 5 months, and feel I can not take another day. Can't imagine how you feel. I get my moments, like today where I'm ready to just hand in the D papers and have it be over with. No point in holding onto them. Yes our sitches are different, my sitch doesn't involve OW. Instead my H left and would rather be with no one than me and his son. Sometimes I wonder if OW would make it easier for me to let go. Regardless, its not easy, and I know you will do hwhat is right and best for you. Sometimes I tell myself what is the difference if the D papers go through, right now we are legaly married and it doesn't meant sh!t. Sometimes I also think sign the papers and if he ever wants back he'd have to start a whole new relationship with me anyways... Just something for you to think about.

(((Hugs)))

[newmama]

Sometimes I also think sign the papers and if he ever wants back he'd have to start a whole new relationship with me anyways... Just something for you to think about.

This is a very good point. And we all know how much easier it is to get married than divorced....shouldn't both be equally difficult? If my old H returned then all we would need to do is pay some money for a legal form and get married by someone licensed. Easy as pie.

Instead my H left and would rather be with no one than me and his son. Sometimes I wonder if OW would make it easier for me to let go.

Maybe an OW would make it easier to let go for you. I don't know anyone who has been cheated on in my circle of friends or family so everyone that hasn't been affected says "I would leave the jerk." EVERYONE. I used to say that too.

BUT the benefit of your H being unattached is that the DB techniques might make more of an impact since he won't be "distracted" or "unavailable" because he is with another woman.

[newmama]

just re-read DR...aren't I supposed to be looking at "fun" books?

That darn book is good at inspiring hope. think what I am doing is the last last resort technique...since I am prepared to follow through on my ultimatum sad because it has come to this. I have 5 weeks. Maybe something major will happen before S birthday that will turn this around!

On another note:
Yesterday I found a very cute dress that I can't wait to wear to something! I'll have to look at my schedule, lol!

[courageous wife]

Hey NM!

Loved what you said on my thread about all the things that could be happening to H while he is camping! Thanks also for saying that I did ok when D11 and I talked...so hard to know the right thing to say!

Maybe I should reread the DR book too!!!

I read the Husband Hunter's article...yuck!!!

Keep doing what you are doing...you sound good!!!

[newmama]

CW glad you liked the camping "wishes!"

Gee, right now I am watching Anne of Green Gables. I LOVE LOVE LOVE those videos (of course I know they were based on books)and watching them helps me to not think about anything else...and feel so good! So I splurged and ordered the box set- apparently there is one that came out after Anne of Avonlea! I had no idea!

WH dropped off S. He saw the boxed toy kitchen set was still by the door and asked if I wanted him to move it. I said sure. Then he said "I can put that together for you, you know!" I said "well thanks but I'll do it!" he told me to ask him for help if I need it. I said I would.

I was not in the mood to make chit-chat with him. He was telling me about S' cute behavior, etc. I nodded, or said "yeah, I know!" or "mhmm it's cute!" but didn't initiate any conversation except about when he would pick him up tomorrow. At first he said 1 and then I said "well I was going to make plans-actually I already made plans- could you pick him up at 11?"

So that was that. Tomorrow I will tackle the toy kitchen, see Sex and the City and then work out. I cleaned today so I can "play" tomorrow!

[gatsby11]

Sounds great, NM! I love the Anne of Green Gables stuff, too. That actress is so amazingly beautiful.

WH is offering to do stuff-- that's good! Did he make offers like that when you were more giving with him? Just wondering.

[newmama]

Did he make offers like that when you were more giving with him? Just wondering.

Yes....you know something I realized. In the BIG PICTURE of this whole last year, before the visitation change and so far after the change, WH's behavior hasn't changed. Oh sure, maybe he looked at me longer one day or he asked a question or 2 about where I was going. But seriously-

he has consistently been "nice"
he has consistently offered to help
he has consistently been a good dad
he has consistently wanted to connect with me about S
he has consistently said he will move forward with "the paperwork" (in fact, he has consistently avoided calling the divorce a divorce and has referred to it as "the paperwork!")
he has consistently avoided presenting me with paperwork- has yet to do anything abotu the D!

oh wait- one day when I was short with him about S, a few days after he told me he wanted to D, he was irritated with me for being short.

So what do I make of this?

[gatsby11]

Ooh, tricky. I don't know.

Positive idea:

The pull of the OW is gigantic. Yet through that he still wants you. He tries to keep both.

Maybe that's not positive. You were just saying you didn't like how weak he was in being indecisive!

Negative idea:

He's so in control of himself, he is treating you respectfully out of human decency.

NOT! Okay, I was going to try to write something that could be 'bad' but it's just so implausible, it doesn't work!

So maybe it's the first idea. It could be seen as good or bad, I guess.

I could be way off. What do you think if it is that, though?