still separated, headed for D?

[newmama]

Great mix of fun and chores, CW!

Just reflecting on where this motivation came from (for me to file in July). I think it happened as a result of some of my meditating:
*visualized drawing WH to me and he tells me he wants to return
**realized in order to draw him to me, I must pull away

**realized I wanted WH to return to me when he 1)had dumped OW
2) was strong enough to do the work

***realized I do not want the current WH; I do not want a weak man, I want the strong H that I married

****realized I was willing to let go of the current WH, divorce him, move on, and save a tiny bit of hope for the real H to want to reconcile with me one day. BUT I know I truly must not "wait" for him and must go forth with my life. If the real H returns, I know he would want to reconcile. But the real H may be gone forever.

*****realized that I still visualize WH,myself, and S together and that I must file for D (or be ready) in order to earn my self respect AS WELL as WH's respect

If WH is shocked into reality and the real H doesnt' want the D, great! But I must not file for D ONLY for this reason.