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rysmom #1998616 05/08/10 11:50 AM
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I would have saved myself some dignity and filed for D a long time ago. I would never have stooped to the levels I did through all of this. I wouldn't have went after OW. I should have held my head up and told X if this is what you want you got it.

I should have never continued to sleep with X, even though he made me think there was hope, but I knew all along he was still seeing OW. I shouldn't have jumped every time he beckoned. Thinking this is it, he's coming home!

You'd have to read my old threads to understand the extremes I put myself through.

I don't know if I'd have done it different it would have ended up different. But I'd have my pride. I wouldn't be on probation. I wouldn't have a criminal record. My girls wouldnt have went through so much. And I would have more because I wouldn't have laid down for the divorce and I would have took him for what I deserved.

Last edited by old theotherhalf; 05/08/10 11:53 AM.

was theotherhalf
M43
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M22 T25
MLC/OW bomb 4/07 Hmoved out 8/07
D6/09
Still trying to accept and move on...
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Thanks for all of your submissions.I'm leaving monday to go see my family. I'm doing the 16 hour drive alone, which i think and hope will be awesome for me. I just hope the gulf isn;t so bad off that I can't take my neices to the ocean frown
We had a nice dinner, he's being kind. I guess that I should think that it's better to be seperated or divorced and not have someone hating you that your married to, right? I mean what exactly are some of us fighting for?? frown I'm getting kind of discouraged reading what some of you said. Maybe I should just let it go.
He'll be staying in our home while I'm gone. I guess a part of me was/is hoping he would get complacent in his own home, and maybe miss his old life. I guess it's just as possible that he will re-write history and remember the times this bad thing or that bad thing happened. I wonder how many of us are co-dependants and need to learn to let go...
I have so many awesome friends, and i know i'm still young. I guess I should just move on. I wish I knew if there were hope. Last night I had a funny dream we were laying in bed and he said 'I can't I'm chasing you around now and want you back', to which i responded 'I can' and got up and walked away!! HA HA wouldn't that be final justice? OK OK, i sound petty.... sorry for that.
While I'm gone, I don't think I'll call him much. Justto let him know I got there ok, and maybe to return a call or ask about the animals.
Should I just think of myself as divorced? Should I treat him like a distant friend?
I payed for three sessions with the db coach. When I spoke to her he was coming to dinner in one hour, so I fallowed her advise and we had a really nice dinner. We laughed and had fun... then he didn't even hug me goodbye. It didn;t hurt my feelings thatmuch, just seemed like a way to reject me.
So... cheerleaders and realists welcome... thank you so much for taking the time to respond to me y'all.

bel44 #1998763 05/08/10 06:17 PM
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old otherhalf, i'm so sorry that happened to you.

bel44 #1998796 05/08/10 07:26 PM
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i really wish i could say to him, did you ever once try seeing it through my eyes? maybe i will... when i'm completely done.

bel44 #1999112 05/09/10 03:43 PM
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abq,
I am too, but today I can look back and know that alot of it was my own damn fault. Enjoy your vacation. Take some time to think about what you need to do for YOU!

Last edited by old theotherhalf; 05/09/10 03:43 PM.

was theotherhalf
M43
H43
M22 T25
MLC/OW bomb 4/07 Hmoved out 8/07
D6/09
Still trying to accept and move on...
bel44 #2000104 05/10/10 10:57 PM
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Don't call and ask about your animals. That is just an excuse to talk to him. You know if one was sick or hurt, he'd call you.

You have to make decisions based on "What would I do if he was not in the world"? If he was not on this planet, you would have had to find another person to sit with the house/animals. If he was not here, you would not find reasons to call back home to "check in" and see how things are going.

It will cause him to think you're really having a great time and don't have your mind on him if you "don't" call him. Think about it! If you call.....that's pursuing. Make him wonder!


It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
sandi2 #2000109 05/10/10 11:04 PM
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just had to stop by and say even though this site is definately not a romantic one...i love your title...

the story of us....cute


M44 H41
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3 older teens
Bomb Nov 09 "i'm not happy"
EA Nov 09 w/coworker
Another PA in Mar 10
I Filed Apr 10
D final Dec 10
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well loves, i think you would all be quite proud of me. he called me the day i left to offer to buy me a hotel room, then we spoke on the phone for hours. i got drunk in the lobby, so i don;t remember most of what he said, but he did say ' i don;t want to be married to you anymore' and something to the effect of 'if we were to ever be together it would have to bea long time from now', please! then, he called my mother the next day... i assume to make amends. what a nice guy. spoke to him when i got here... it was a long, dramatic conversation. he tried to be an ass to me. i said that if it was over, i wanted to file for divorce, NOW. i even suggested he fax the paperwork. then he satarted saying crap like'why can;t you just enjoy your visit? you want to be misserable, don't you'. i know he's hiding money. he's a flipping dovorce lawyer and has been planning this for a year. one of his ex's is going through a divorce. one he constantly refered to as beautiful... they are offering eachother friendship. PUKE. i wonder how friendly she would feel if i sent her the pictures of how he beat me. oh well, some women are so desperate they dont even care.
so-after that conversation two weeks ago, i asked him not to call me anymore. then, he texted me a few days later and said 'can i call you'... i said 'go ahead', then he was soooo sweet. i know he is just being nice because he is concerned about money. trust me.
then he emailed me yesterday asking me if i was coming home soon. i called and told him i would be leaving early this week. i was nice, but i feel like i have to have this block... i did retain an attorney while i was here because he actually has filed, which he told me. but he said he did it out of anger. and that he had no plans to serve me anytime soon. yeah.... he want to discuss a settlement. HE wants to be my lawyer... can you believe this [censored]?
ok. maybe i'm at the anger stage of grief, and i'm not showing him or being rude, but what an [censored]. he treate dme like crap, blamed me for it, left and slepl like a baby, and now he is still protecting his best interest and trying to leave without any consequences. all i wanted after all fo that was still too just save our marriage and then he left me... i'm mad... finally... what do you guys think??

bel44 #2011861 05/29/10 04:30 PM
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i got home after two weeks in texas and him being rediculously kind to me, calling and asking to pay for my hotel room, 'making sure i had my seatbelt on' etc, to my house being a complete mess and divorce papers on the table. even though we had spoken for twenty minuted the night before i got home, he neglected to mention that i would be being served after a 16 hour drive.
so, i had an appointment with an attorney the next day. apparently they corresponded and he indicated some crap about wanting to finalize the divorce sometime late fall.
i spoke to him about it last night. i told him i didn't want this and that i would od anything it took to save our relationship. i told him that i would wait but i needed to know we were working twards reconciliation, otherwise, i wante dto just do it. i can;t put my life on hold like this. was that bad DBing?
he said he would put something in writing about a proposal for divorce, then he said he thought maybe we needed to be seperated for a while, he was all ove rthe place. he said he would 'meditate on it a while and let me know'.
what should i do???

bel44 #2012259 05/30/10 08:36 PM
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i have my story on the 'newcomers' thread if any of ya'll are interested. i went home to see my family for two weeks and he housesat for me at OUR home that he move dout of two months ago, called me constantly, kept using 'we' sentances, wanted to pay for my hotel room, wante dto make sure i had my seatbelt on. then, after a 16 hour F-ING drive, i walk in to find myself served with divorce papers. he didn't mention this to me before. he could draft them all up because he is a lawyer and does this for a living. so, the next day i saw my attorney and my attorney called him. said he was wishy washy and acting like he wante dto put it off, so i asked him why he wanted to put it off. i asked if it was for sentimental reasons and he said 'maybe i was feeling sentimental", i then told him i didn't want the divorce, but i dont want to sit around like this for another eight months, that i would be willing to stay seperated but only if we are working twards something. he said he would 'meditate on it'. that was friday, then, saturday i had issues with having my swamp cooler serviced and wanted to talk to him about it (ok yeah it was an excuse) and i called him about a hundred times with no answer!! i'm so stupid
what should i do? please, someone....

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