How do I save my marriage to husband in MLC?

[RLay1100]

(I'm venting.)

Today is a day I have been avoiding and stressing about for weeks now- the day I go with a big moving truck and take all my stuff from OUR home to move it into MY home.
I have known I was going to be doing that this weekend for over a week, but didn't get the courage to call my H to talk about it until yesterday morning. I have become so afraid of his responses and the awful spewing. I had not talked to H in days.

I started out by telling him I had found a place to rent, that it was a nice place for the kids and me. He seemed glad about that.

A couple of SECONDS later, though, he gets a nasty tone and accuses me of turning our 10 YO son against him because he finally admitted to his dad that he wants to live with me, not him. I assured H that that wasn't the case- I always let my boys know it is their decision and their parents will love them regardless of who they are living with. H just grunted and mumbled, "sure". (H has been pressuring 10 YO to stay with him because he knows he cant win over our 9 YO "mommy's boy". Which is puzzling because to ME H talks like he can't WAIT for me to take the boys to live with me so he can have more freedom to do what he wants.)

I then began discussing with him me coming up Saturday to get my stuff to move into my place. I ask if he will be there, that I assume he will not want to be there at the same time I am there. He jumps at the chance to be mean- "Oh, I definately don't want to be here with YOU". I simply replied, "I understand, so can you be away from the house on Saturday so that I can get my stuff?" It agitated him that he didn't get a response out of me with his little stab.

H says he'll be gone but then starts questioning me about who is coming with me to help me move. I tell him just my sister and her bf. H doesn't believe me, keeps repeating the question (I keep repeating the answer). (He was trying to find out if I was going to have a man with me.)

Then I pulled the conversation to what he wanted to keep, what I wanted to take. Of course, H didn't seem to want to give up anything. He got angry and said I was leaving him with nothing but a floor to sit on. I tried compromising on some things, but he just didn't seem to want to make anything easy. ::sigh:: Although our boys will continue to live with H for a couple of more weeks (until the school year ends), I told him I needed to take their beds and furniture while I had the big moving truck. I assured him I would buy a big airbed for them to use in the meantime, but he STILL tried to accuse me of not caring if the boys had to sleep on the floor! (The boys told me that later he told them that "mom" was taking their beds so now they would have to get use to sleeping on the floor. UGH)

I tried to make him realize I was TRYING to be fair, that I was taking the things we needed. Didn't he want his kids to have comfort? He started the, "What about ME?!!"

I responded, "I didn't choose to be in this situation, to have to separate and move everything away. This is the consequence of YOUR choices, not mine. I am just respecting your choice and doing what I have to do. The kids and I have had a hard time with all this, and I just want the transition to be as easy as possible." H immediately got defensive and asserted that he was struggling, too, and he has suffered just by having to put up with me all these years (???). (Yes, that hurt since I always tried to be a good, loving wife.) I just let it go.

Then H wanted to go back to the subject of my new place. He asked where it was located, I answered. He asked if it was nice and big enough, I said it was. He asked how much the rent was, and I didn't answer with the specific cost, just that I could afford it. I did that because I just didn't feel it was any of his business how much MY rent was, but I did think it was important for him to know I could afford it.

H found that suspicious, though, and asked if I was moving in with another man. I said no. He said he didn't believe me and asked if it was "T" (a specific man he has been obsessed with because he has suspected me of having an affair with him for MONTHS now even though that is definately not the case). I ignored him. He persisted in questioning me about "T" and who was I dating then. I just kept quiet, which frustrated him. (Why does he even CARE if I'm dating...? He doesn't want me, and he is dating OW.)

Finally, I was just tired of arguing and going in circles with him so I told him I had to go and hung up before I even got a response.

About 10 mins. later H texts me saying he's decided to move into a trailor his mother owns and he'll start packing on Saturday- the day I had JUST told him I'll be in the house packing! UGH. "But I thought you didn't want to be there when I am there?" His response: "No why? You don't need to bring any guys up here..."

About an hour later, he texts me, "I know you love our boys and are just trying to do good by them. I'll try to help u when i can i'm trying to sell my racecar". I didn't respond again, and he didn't text me further.

::sigh:: I feel so sad after contact with H because it always reminds me that he is not the same man I was with for 11 years. He seems so sad, angry, lost. I know that right after I told him (over and over) I would be fair and not take anything of his or that I didn't need for me and the kids, he posted on his Facebook page that I was taking everything he owned. Of course, he got sympathetic responses and he complained that I was being so mean and unfair. (He already has his friends and family thinking I am the bad guy because he tells everyone all I ever wanted to do was control and fight with him and that I was having an affair.) This really really bothers me that he feels the need to vilify me to everyone, when it's HIM being the jerk. :-(

Today will be a hard day. Please keep me in your thoughts and prayers. Thank you all SO MUCH.