I was supposed to impose upon you.. that you were missing the good times.
oops. i know it's late (1:55 am). sorry.
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Ask any professional "player" why they lost.. be it a team game.. or a one on one game.. what are they gonna say?
person who was more prepared or had a game plan?
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"i actually look forward to your response."
Does it make you smile?
a bit. but it makes me think. it makes me use my brain and not my heart.
like when coach throws questions at me. when he started asking me questions unrelated to m or r, i used my brain. the questions lead to what he wants me to learn.
same with the questions you throw at me. i have to think. use lots of examples. i have to see a pattern in the examples. that's how i start processing things with the brain and not the heart.
i can see what triggers an emotional response from me. it really depends on the advice i am given. if i am being told what to do, i dig my heels. if you make it come from me, then i am likely to be convinced.
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So.. now you know I am "crazy".
just a complete nutjob. that's why you get it when i rant and just lose it. see posts from last week.
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Don't know that I can give you the exact words I said.. It is hard to put my mind back into that situation.
i don't want you to recall it here. i rather you just point me to it and i'll read it from there. i don't want to make you re-live that period of your life.
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This is what is important. The good news is that you have a chance to change that perception. You played the game and "lost".. you watched the tapes and saw where you screwed up.. where you could improve.
i don't see my h so i don't know if he will ever see this change in me. i gotta figure a way on how to practice not giving that look though.
i have to be a bit creative. i said that when i use my brain, i don't give the look. if you ask people like my co-workers or friends, they will tell you that i don't have a threatening "look". at work or with friends, i don't use my heart. just my head.
with h, the heart is involved.
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Why can't your actions and goals be completely different?
i don't know. i hope that if i do change this part of me, that i can maintain it and that it would become natural.
tonight, i spent time with a friend for coffee at the local Starbucks. she said i was too thin and needed to be fattened up. i gotta eat better ..
