My UFO (unbelievably fabulous observations)

[hoosiermama]

ah, gardener, thank you so much for your reflections--which are filled with so much wisdom!

yes, I think this is about as real as it gets; and if I don't kill it with my insecurities and abandonment issues it will be miraculous...but I'm so much better in that way than I was even a few months ago. it's difficult to "live in the moment" (which is what I should be doing) and "enjoy this good thing I have at this moment" when I'm looking for negative motivations and clues of imminent abandonment. how long does this crap go on in our heads?!

I love what you said--be open to possibilities, not expectations. that is just profound in its simplicity and will become a mantra for me.

looking back from a few days (and looking forward to Monday)...it just feels very good, very comfortable, very warm. I've heard from him briefly a few times (he's visiting folks all over this area of the state)...and he is very much looking forward to Monday. and we were both clear on this...while the physical intimacy was absolutely great, it was the talking for hours--the emotional intimacy, the dropping of awkwardness and the transparency--that we loved the most about the time we spent together. had we not both had obligations, I think we would have spent all day sitting in Starbucks.

he says he challenged me because he cares, because I often challenge him (in different ways, tho). there just seemed to be some urgency in trying to convince me I need to be dating, and I still wonder why it was so important, so urgent. just the possibility I'll "learn things about myself that I'd never learn otherwise" seems rather vague to generate as much urgency as there seemed to be about it. I believe that if he persists in this "challenge" I'll have to challenge him about why this is so important to HIM.

ah--the challenges of a long-distance relationship. especially with someone who doesn't seem to define this as a relationship, and who has other non-relationships closer to home. nothing serious, nothing exclusive...

thank you so much, gardener, for your wisdom. the dilemma, honestly, is not "what to do with it." it's how to avoid sabotaging it. this is a kind, decent man with whom I share not just history and stuff in common, but outright synchronicity, and it seems so safe, comfortable, and honest; it's been healing for both of us so far. all of those things tell me to continue to go with it; just wish I could define it better so I know what I'm going with.