still separated, headed for D?

[Babydoll]

NM, you know what is best with your sitch. If you feel like 'warning' him and bringing up the D papers in July in what is best for you then go for it. You sound strong enough to take either road, although i bet i know which you prefer. You mentioned that by DBing, if nothing else, you have become strong and a better you and that is so very true. If your H can not get out of his fog, then maybe this could make him see that you will not wait forever for him to wake up. Just make sure you are doing it because it is what you want and not just to get a reaction. I know when I did it in my sitch it was to get H to say NO i dont want that... and now months later he says he thought i wanted it too. i've had my moments where i thought i should just give him what he wants and thought signing the papers would be best. MWD says we shouldnt make D easy on them... and they should work for it. I dont know... me refusing to sign the papers seems to have helped my sitch the tiniest bit, and was the turning point of our 'friendship' or whatever mess I am in right now. Sorry I know you are getting strong enough to go on, but just wanted to put that out there.

You can certainly still be positive and move on... so if your WAH is not appreciating you for what you are doesnt mean you can not have other in your life who will.

you sound like you are truly enjoying GAL and your time with your son.

Wishing you the best and hoping your H will WAKE UP! before its too late...

[newmama]

Just make sure you are doing it because it is what you want and not just to get a reaction.

This is precisely one of the reasons why I HAVEN'T filed yet! I did not want to risk getting a divorce because I was hoping it would wake him up. Now I feel like I want to divorce this man who is too weak to follow through on his threats of divorce to me and too weak to end his A with the OW and obviously too weak to fight for our marriage.

I dont know... me refusing to sign the papers seems to have helped my sitch the tiniest bit, and was the turning point of our 'friendship' or whatever mess I am in right now.

But honey, your H is not cheating on you! And I have been doing this for 14 months. ANd I have refused the divorce every time he has brought it up til now. And you have evidence that whatever it is that you are doing IS working!

So I was going down cheeseless tunnels, and not doing what was working,and truthfully if I warn my WH that I will file for D (something I haven't said since last March 09) and he decides he wants to R, then I will be grateful. But if he doesn't, then I will feel good that I am divorcing a weak, foolish man.

[newmama]

arghh! I decided to just click on the link of the 20 documents involved in order to see what huge amount I could do each week and guess what? 18 of them are sooooo easy to complete! They just require our names, some dates, signatures, and very simple info! I could easily complete them all in a few hours! 2 are more involved but have to do with financial info or parenting plan that we already drafted.

My point? Here I was thinking that maybe WH just hasn't had time to fill out the paperwork and now that I see how easy it is, that is a lousy excuse! He doesn't have S every day, or all day on the weekends...he could easily complete them on a Saturday morning or Sunday afternoon!


He really IS too wimpy to make a decision!Does he already know that I am going to file if he doesn't? I never said that!

insert: angry face! angry face! angry face!

[WhatNow]

ooops...I hope you didn't get the impression I was questioning your plan!!! I was asking purely b/c we are both dealing with fence-sitters. And thank you for such a complete answer. At one time, I was waffling. One day I was fine with things as they were, and the next day I was wanting it over with. Those times are farther apart these days of dimness, but my thoughts take me there now and then. I surely do not want to file to get a reaction or even as a reaction to something he does. (Maybe b/c I do not want OW to 'win'??? IDK) Thanks again!

[gatsby11]

It can be described many ways: he's wimpy, he's unsure, he's lazy?, he's all-around noncommittal, yeah.

You're so right when you say that WH right now is not someone you want to be with. I feel the same way. WH is not my "type"! H is/was. We'll see who they decide to be!

But you know you rock. You've always been "W"!

[newmama]

WN- no, I didn't think you were questioning me! I was reflecting and giving the true reasons why! I really do think length of marriage matters to me.

G- thanks but what does "W" stand for?

[gatsby11]

Oh, wife. Just that he's been two different people but you've been steady. That's what I mean, sorry for the confusion!

[newmama]

1. Humans have a tendency to take things for granted
2. Humans will fight ten times harder to save from losing something…than to gain something.
3. Humans tend to want what they can’t have.
4. Humans tend to want even more…what is JUST out of their grasp.

found this... seems pretty true...

[newmama]

When a relationship ends, you’ll probably go through the stages of grief:
-Denial that your relationship is over
-Anger about the end of the relationship
-Bargaining – for example, “If I could just lose 20 pounds, maybe it will work.”
-Depression about the end of the partnership
-Finally acceptance that it is over and the ability to move on.

[TimeHeals]

When a relationship ends, you’ll probably go through the stages of grief

And some of them more than once.