But my thirst for validation I don't completely think is wrong or counterproductive.
Wrong, no; but I would argue strongly that it is counterproductive. You are trying to be attractive to your W again. Do you think that constantly looking fro validation from her is attactive? What is attractive is a man who does what is good and right. And doesn't need anything from anybody to know that he is doing what is good and right.
Originally Posted By: gws
But she doesn't want to lead me on or make me feel like I am earning any points.
Do you see how this concern goes away for her if you don't give a wit about what she thinks or does.
Originally Posted By: gws
I do think she's just letting time pass as she sees where things go on their own without the influence of a MC.
Maybe she is not ready to start down that road.
I think she doesn't say anything not only because it doesn't enter her mind, but also because if she does throw me a bone it could put pressure back onto her.
My W clearly can't make a decision on her own, so she waited until she got the advice of her T before agreeing to go.
I do think she might be realizing to some degree that she can't raise two twin boys alone and still retain her sanity.
Did you notice that you are doing quite a bit of mind-reading here? This really isn't all that productive. I know it is difficult not to do; I find myself doing it all the time. And often find out later that I was completely wrong. It can distort your perception of the situation.
Originally Posted By: gws
Each day I am believing my changes more and more. I am much happier about the person I am today as opposed to 4 months ago. I am much more patient and understanding of others, I have let go of a lot of my negativity and try to be more positive. I have also gotten closer to my faith again and found a lot of comfort and strength in it. But most of all, I have a much deeper love for my family and children and I have put them at the top of my priority list.
This is great. Keep it up.
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What do you make of it? I guess this is a step in the right direction.
Why would you take it any other way? She is doing what you requested of her.
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My W clearly can't make a decision on her own, so she waited until she got the advice of her T before agreeing to go.
Can't make a decission on her own? Or did she decide to wait for consultation from her therapist before making an emotional decission? Which I believe counselors are there to do. Or was it by complete coincidence. If your W heard you make that statement; how would it make her feel? You may not like the decissions she is making; but she is making them under her own will. I think you should respect them.
GWS, I know that I sometimes sound a little harsh. You are doing well; it shows by your W deciding to go back to MC. She is seeing the changes in you and in time she will believe in them too. And when she does, she will react in a positive manner. But until then, I think it is best that you focus as much on you and as little on her as possible.
Take care, -T
decission that would impact her relationship with you. Truthfully, I see nothing wrong with this. What else
