I was supposed to impose upon you.. that you were missing the good times.
"we'd drive out to see my family on the odd weekend. my family would come out to visit us for a weekend once a year in the summer. the other times, it's football, hockey, basketball games on tv. yard work, house chores, etc. squash two nights a week we spent a lot of times shopping for stuff. From one furniture store to another looking for the right piece. you know how difficult it was to find the right sofa? oh boy. in november to mid-december, i have to get the christmas cards written up and sent out because heaven forbid the cards arrive late. we also have to shop for my family and i have a huge family. even though there are only three in their family, we end up buying 5-6 gifts per person. it's just the way they do things at christmas. okay, that's fine. but it sucks so much of our time looking for 6 unique gifts for each person. this past christmas, i wrapped maybe 50 presents for both families. i spent time decorating our home for the holidays. i did those things for h because it was a big deal for him."
Waffle inc...
"in the end, he walked away with my effort. and i am sad about that. it's not the items that i'm sad about. it was my effort. i spent the time designing stuff for the house and in the end, he walked away with it. and he had the gall to say that i didn't put in any effort into our home. i feel very used. and he won't even leave me with the only good memory i have of us and that's my wedding ring and my wedding jewelery."
And back to normal...
"certain times in the year, work gets busy for him. a few times i went to his office and i sat in on calls. one night, we left at 11:30 pm. i'd go out to get dinner for both of us and we'd sit in his office together on a call and ate dinner at the same time. i'd give him a neck and trap massage while he talked. that was my QT with him. smile i made the effort."
Can you "see" from that how easy it is to get sucked into the "Emotion"?
At the very least.. you and your H are at the same "field".
Let's call it the Field of Emotion.
You both came in separate cars. Both of the "support teams" came with. They are setting up their chairs on opposite side's. Or if it is a squash "field" they are all sitting behind you on opposite sides. They (support crew) are gonna point out the "weakness" of the other "team/player".
So.. if we take that "thought" and expand on it.. who is gonna "win" the game?
Your answer would most likely be "The Better Player".
So how do we define that?
What does the "Better Player".. bring with him or her?
A good Coach?
A focused mind?
An understanding of the game?
What else?
Ask any professional "player" why they lost.. be it a team game.. or a one on one game.. what are they gonna say?
I heard you like questions.
"i actually look forward to your response."
Does it make you smile?
"i read some of your thread and responses."
So.. now you know I am "crazy".
"i wanted to know how you went from hopeless to your turning point. but somehow i couldn't find it."
Well.. the turning point is around.. I think it was a response to FB2. Long story short.. I had decided that I wanted nothing to do with the "drama". Not only the "drama" that I created with my reactions.. but the "drama" that was coming from her. I got a phone call from "OM". Basically the phone call was a joke.. that came at 4am. I was done with her and everything she stood for. She had crossed the "unhealthy" line a few weeks back. I was moving on. I needed for her to understand that this was her choice. I had nothing to do with it. We had not talked in a month'ish at that point. Don't know that I can give you the exact words I said.. It is hard to put my mind back into that situation.
"i think i made mistakes in my m. i think i overreacted at times when i shouldn't have, and i underreacted on occasions when i probably should have put my foot down. i have learned that my 'look' is quite threatening. i don't hide my feelings when i am being snarky. i make it known that you don't f*k with me. i never wanted to be pushed around by anybody. and i think i took it to a bit of an extreme."
This is what is important. The good news is that you have a chance to change that perception. You played the game and "lost".. you watched the tapes and saw where you screwed up.. where you could improve.
Use that knowledge to the best of your ability.
It begs you to be understanding.
It teaches you to think smarter.
Right now.. he is winning with his actions.
His goal is a D.
Why can't your actions and goals be completely different?
Relax Eat Think Act normal React.. Smartly. Do something different. Emulate. Do Work.
