Need a Plan for My Marriage

[LSG]

IDU,

You are always a voice of reason, and I appreciate that.

You are always supportive, and I thank you.

I will have to remain strong and continue to follow the path I am on.

I am hurting today for some reason. I just am so tired today. It is catching up to me I guess. I look at her sometimes which I do not do as often and think what happening to us.

I have to do what I am doing.

Thank you

[LSG]

OTMT,

I guess that is the question. I have tried so many times. Maybe it is her turn this time to try if she will. I do not want to pursue.

This is moving in the wrong direction that I wanted when I first came to this forum. I just see such a waste of 8 years that could have lasted if we just both put the effort in. I can not be the only one to do that at this point.

I guess I need more sleep because it is taking its toll on me.

Thanks for being here.

[CityGirl]

Just popping in to say hello!

I will keep all my fingers crossed (and my pug will cross her paws!) your interview goes well on Tuesday.

I am glad you are getting legal advice. I know Luv is still wanting to get in touch with you but I know she had appts. all day y'day and was away from the computer.

I am not sure when but in the coming months I will be taking a vacation to LA... me, you and Luv should have dinner! My cousin lives in Long Beach (and she is a real hoot, a ton of fun and a total sweetheart!)

[idontunderstand]

I am hurting today for some reason. I just am so tired today. It is catching up to me I guess. I look at her sometimes which I do not do as often and think what happening to us.

I'm sorry you are hurting. I know how you feel. We all do. It does get better, I promise you that. The down times won't last as long or come quite as often. I know that's no comfort at this time, but trust me, it does get better. Hell, I still have those days and here I am telling you it will be okay. Point is, it may never go completely away, but you learn to deal and move on with what you know you need to do.

I will have to remain strong and continue to follow the path I am on.

Yes.

You get stronger every day.

Having a bad day doesn't make you weak, it makes you human.

Take a step back, refocus, and move forward. Do what's right for you and your kids. You're W isn't the person you married right now, you know that. If you can wait and don't want to D, let her do all of the work. Like OTMT said, you will never look back with regret knowing you did all that you could do. Letting go doesn't mean you stop trying. It means you work on being the best person you can be and letting her make up her own mind.

I hope you can find time to relax and enjoy your kids this weekend. You deserve it.

[LSG]

CityGirl,

I would love to meet with you, luv, and your aunt for dinner. I have not been anywhere without my wife or kids in years. It would be great to be in the company of really nice people that understand each others sitches. This is the first time I have been really excited to go somewhere by myself. I need to do some GALing myself. I wish it were sooner, but I understand.

I love my kids and spending time with them, but I think it would be nice to go somewhere just me.

You and luv seem like fun people too. Count me in for sure!

This job would be another confidence booster for me. The Census job has been so great because I have my own money, and I have met some really nice people. It is nice to be out to do something and not thinking all the time. I am more secure and confident in myself.

I still need to come up with an initial amount for the attorney, but she seems so nice and does not mind the plan I have come up with to pay even though she normally requires a retainer fee. It is less than the last attorney I tried to hire. She is compassionate too which I appreciate.

I am still interested in talking to luv when she has time. I know this is a very difficult for her with the D and taking care of her kids. I so feel for her and everyone that is here.

CityGirl you are so awesome. I am in a much better mood now.

Thank you!

[LSG]

IDU,

I have not been this tired in a while. I remember when I would be tired from the moment I woke up. I do not want to go back to that stage. It is only one day, so I think I will be okay.

Today, I hoped and prayed she would call or e-mail. I knew she would not. Why is it sometimes I feel so done, and sometimes I feel I want my W back. I just do not get it.

You are right that it does get better. I just wish it would be better soon.

I am doing the best for me and the kids, and it is so hard. I just want to ask what is she thinking. Just give it a chance to work. We had something before, and it is not gone. I know the wrong thing to do. I even want to tell her "I love her." Another wrong thing to do. I am not sure that is even what I want anymore. I know I contradict myself. My emotions contradict me.

I have stopped trying it feels like, and I am very quiet and do not talk much.

W was talking to me about my work, and I just stopped talking when I thought about the divorce summons. It seemed that she wanted to know about my job for another reason to make me more miserable. She had all the facts about my job on the divorce papers. She has no clue. I just do not want to let her hurt me anymore.

I hope to take the kids out later on the scooters. I enjoying riding one of theirs too. It is a little exercise for me.

Lastly, sometimes I hope wife will call or e-mail me and tell me that everything will be okay, but it will never happen I know. I have lost hope in our M, but not in myself and the kids.

Sorry to go on and on about my sitch.

Thanks for being here for me.

[LSG]

I am going to try to support everyone here, but I have been just exhausted to barely write to my own thread even though I wrote a lot.

[LSG]

W takes the kids to the movies and lunch today. I am left home because she has all the money from work, her parents, and the OM. I have nothing but taking the kids to the park, bike rides and spending time with them. I love to do this but she buys their love. I cannot compete with this. It is so frustrating because I want to do things like this with them too.

I am going to fight for them in court I guess.

[Onthemountaintop]

Kids love what you give and she can't - time. She's at work more than you, and you are able to show and give love.

Money buys excitement, not love.

[LSG]

OTMT,

Thank you as usual for the kind words. I really need them. Just when I think I have hope it is shot down.

I found out that the print my parents had is a reproduction, so we cannot sell it.

I found an attorney for $500 to do the paperwork and the motions, but now I cannot even afford that. W takes all the money we have, and what little money I make I have to get gas, buy food, and whatever else we need, so I have to come up with money again.

I just went to my bank for a credit card and was turned down.

I have deadlines for the my paperwork that approach so quickly. I still hear my W words "you only have 30 days, or you lose by default." I hate thinking about them.

I will take my kids tomorrow to at least have them away from her with me.

I am so disappointed again today.

It is like this for whatever I do. It never comes easy. For my W, it is always easy. She gets everything she wants and does not even try.

I work for everything I get, and it is not much.

I will never give up trying!!!