Was leaving for work today and W called me into the room, I could just see the negative conversation that was coming, instead she put her hands around my waist and gave me one of the best hugs we've had in a long time. She said "your leaving for work now?" and was visibly upset when I said yes.
Rough couple of days but that brief exchange was really nice.
Might take a sick day tomorrow and have a relaxing day at home, maybe her good mood will continue?
I will stay positive but distant and let her initiate things. We have a few days off together coming up and that could be both good and bad.
Been focusing on my future, regardless of how it all turns out. Trying to be healthier, relaxed and focused on work and have been doing some of my best work lately...
Might take a sick day tomorrow and have a relaxing day at home, maybe her good mood will continue?
I understand you wanting her good mood to continue, but here's the thing.....whenever a woman gives her H the smallest sign...then he jumps in with both feet. That is why so many women act cold, mean, etc., b/c they don't want their H to get the wrong idea and overkill.
Let her continue to miss you when you aren't there. That's a good sign. She has only shown a tiny positive mood change and you're ready to take off an entire day to spend at the house. She won't keep that mood if you start responding like that so quickly. Remember that she is still wanting to leave, so don't jump through hoops just b/c she warmed up for a few seconds.
I don't want to sound like I am throwing cold water on you, but I want you to keep you head here. Don't start having "expectations" like thinking her mood may continue if you stay home for a day. You're setting youself up for disappointment.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
I see that I may be acting overzealously right now. Truth is I could use a day off, for me, so I'm gonna take it. May go to the movies by myself. GAL stuff. If she wants to initiate some together time, I will see how it feels and deciede but try to stay distant.
It is really hard to not jump at the slightest change, so thank you for belong ke see that. I would rather have some cold water thrown on me now, than drown in it later.
Sorry for the lack of updates, here is how things are going:
had 3 days of and only 2 with W, on the morning of the 3rd day, W said she was taking a sick day as well, I was pretty shocked she wanted to spend that much time with me. We had a back and forth few days before that. Some good moments and then some bad ones.
She initiated intimacy twice this weekend, once I accepted and the other time (she had finished a few drinks) and I told her "I really do want to be intimate but not if your in this condition, I haven't been the best at being romantic and loving to you and if we are going to do this, it needs to be healthy for our R, and I don't think this is". She agreed.
Today she called to tell me about some friends new wedding date. She also said she told them that we were getting a D. I guess my response sounded abit disapointed and she asked if I was mad. I said i was because I don't want to give up on the M. Long story short, at the end of he conversation she said; "you were never very romantic and sexual with me, I want to be swept off my feet and experience that kind of movie romance. You didn't do that and I don't think you will but I haven't filed papers and I haven't left, so think about that." is that my challenge to be the H she needs? Could she be telling all these people to serve one of two purposes? A) she will leave or b) she will show me she is serious and see if I care enough to make the right changes?
Also, I need some advice of being romantic, as lame as it sounds I have a had time coming up with that stuff. Should I post something in the sex starved marriage section?
Also, through the grapevine, some of my co workers are finding out about the possible D. I am a pretty private guy and have a hard time dealing with publc displays of emotion. Any advice?
W said she would go to MC if I did the leg work and found one. Any suggestions on how to find good ones? Should I screen them first and see if the are "pro M"? Rather than just telling us to give up and D. That would be the worst.
Or should we even go? Seems like it's a step in the right direction. W is feeling pressure from some of her friends to not give up, and to work on the R.
Wow! Lots of questions, but your sitch doesn't sound too bad! OK, to be romantic. Bring flowers home. Grocery store flowers are fine. Just buy them, bring them home, present them to her and give her a kiss. It's not hard. It took me 28 years to convince my H to do it. How often do you cook a meal for her? And clean it up, because it is not so romantic if I have to clean the kitchen after my husband cooks. Have you ever walked into a Victoria's Secret or Frederick's of Hollywood store? Go in there. Either with your wife or alone. The sales girl will be very happy to help you. Tell them you want something sexy and romantic for your wife. All you need to know is her size -- small, medium, large, extra large. (You can look in any item of her clothing to know this).
As for MC. Yes, you are looking for someone who is solution oriented and pro-marriage. Have you looked into Retrouvaille? They have a great success rate and it happens much faster than counseling -- a weekend to start, then 6 follow-up sessions for 4 hours. It's fabulous! It saved my marriage and thousands of others. And yes, we tried counseling first. That did not work for us. I think a lot of the difference was that we talked all the time in counseling, and in Retrouvaille we listened. Then when we talked it was in a new way. Counseling didn't change us as people. Retrouvaille did. Here's the website, www.helpourmarriage.org.
So good luck! Don't lose steam. You can be the husband of her dreams! And you can have fun doing it!
