Ignore it OIN, you don't want her walking out that's not the way to rebuild a marriage.
If you can get this affair OUT of your home without her leaving do it, and it looks like you are doing that...
Just because the affair is dying doesn't mean your wife's grown up yet... Just steer clear of her while she's playing these childish games or you might be tempted to get caught up in them.
Fine. Maybe you can agree to quit arguing about the past. You won't talk to OMW, and she won't talk to OM. And just move forward. You can't change the past and you won't go to a professional to try to deal with it and put it to bed. So you will have to just drop it. both of you.
W won't go for that, the past is why she wants out of the marriage, the past is what she hold on to. No way am I going to be able to break her loose from it.
After W and I returned home we agreed to go on a short bike ride, we ended up at the park where we played a little basketball. W thought she pulled something in her back. W then started to say "if it is not one thing hurting me it is another" W and I began to talk about injuries we both endured as we were younger. It was a great conversation till W started to bring up the past and so I said
You did not need to bring that up in a calm humbling tone. W said "well I am just saying, I have to live with it" and I replied "As do I, it hurts me just as well and I fell terrible about what happened in the past" nothing was said after we just carried on. We headed back home and watched a little TV then played a game...
Went on the computer for a little bit, W aunt uploaded pictures of our wedding and Hallowrecption (Halloween party/wedding reception). We looked at some of the pictures and laughed, I commented on nice W looked in her costume and W said "you told me I looked terrible"
The story behind this was, W and I had planned our costumes for weeks in advanced, the day of things did not go according to plan and W had to compromise big time. Due to the stress of last minute rushing and costume plans falling through I said to my W that the costume looked terrible, never meaning she looked terrible but that is how she sees it today. SO I said to W today
"It was a stressful day and the costume was last minute, it was thrown together, the costume looked terrible, not you."
W then went into shower...
M: 27, W: 25 Together since: 01/31/00 M: 10/4/09 (8 Months) ILBNILWY: 01/24/10 EA confirmed: 02/10/10 (Busted). Road to Reconcile began: 07/10/10 Retrouvaille: 09/10/10
Beautiful! that was great. everything you said was perfect. What you said about the past was great. Do it everytime she brings up the past. It would be really good if somehow you could both apologize to each other for past hurts and then just let it go. Holding onto past hurts can do nothing but ruin your future!
i forgot to mention that my W was talking about something that reminded her of a conversation that FIL and W had about OM/OMW that if they called the house again to tell them to F-off. I did not bit and just remained silent not sure how to respond. not sure why W is nothing following her fathers advice to just "forget them"
W has been withdrawn ever since the incident occured yesterday. Up till then she was speaker future tense and "us" or "we" often now all that talk has ended.
M: 27, W: 25 Together since: 01/31/00 M: 10/4/09 (8 Months) ILBNILWY: 01/24/10 EA confirmed: 02/10/10 (Busted). Road to Reconcile began: 07/10/10 Retrouvaille: 09/10/10
She'll get over it. It takes time. I will be surprised if she ever moves out. Some people are happy in their misery. She seems to be one of them. She's got it all set up so she can be grumpy because the world isn't perfect, but then again, it's not so bad, either.
FIL is an ass and avoids accountability just like his daughter.. NEITHER of those two wants to acknowledge the horrible nightmares and trauma that OMW has been through ... all the panic and feeling violated...
Those two both think the same way OIN... they brush away anything that demands they be accountable for any wrongdoing... they are both CHILDREN
Let's not come down too hard on FIL. First of all, can we assume that he is well informed about the real relationship between W and OM? No. She's told him some story where the two of them are just innocent employees discussing important company policy and everyone is making up stories about them. And then OMW gets a crazy bug and decides to call OIN just to make trouble. So of course he says, "forget them." And, actually, it is good advice. Forget them. We wish she would!
I am coming down hard on FIL because he's NOT fact checking his daughter's story and is simply taking it at face value.
And worse, he's meddling in the marriage using text messages daily.. that's not just ignorance, its cowardly too...
OIN TRIED to talk to her FIL and he wouldn't listen... he's just as stubborn as OIN's wife is... OIN's wife and FIL are reinforcing each other's behaviour and have been for some time now...
I you aren't going to help repair a marriage you need to stay out... and meddling covertly with text messages is cowardly
This morning when W left for work I said "bye" and she said nothing in return.
I talked to OMW today to find out if OM said anything further about reporting W to manager. OMW told me how OM has been an ideal H ever since this "ended." OMW told me how OM makes fun of W. I told OMW to get tape recorder and record OM saying these things and then send it to my W in mail. OMW will try to barrow tape recorder from work.
When W got home from work I was sitting out on the front steps just enjoying the weather, As W was getting out the car she said "What are you doing out here?" with an attitude and stupidly I said in response "Oh, I did not know I was not allowed outside"
Of course this got W upset, I explained to her the dog tore somethings up and I was upset because of it that I did not mean to get smart with her.
W got over it. While W was at work I made a banana cream pie (her favorite) I dont recall if she thanked me...
she told me a little but about what happened at work today then changed and laid down in bed. My W and I had planned to go to a car show but she went to sleep instead. I told W "If you don;t want to go to the car show that is fine, I won't mind going by myself" W never answered me but did eventually get up and got ready.
We went to the car show and I ran into a few of my friends. We talked for a bit, W and I walked around and I took the opportunity to bring up a concern.
I said "I know how things are right now, but I think at the very least you should treat me with the respect you would give to a complete stranger..."hi" "bye" "thank you" "your welcome", you know just common courtesy"
W said "what do you mean" with a little attitude
I said "Well I say by to you in the morning and you say nothing in return"
W said "I say what I feel...and I said bye"
I said "I just want a little respect is all"
W said "Don't talk to me about or have a conversation to me about respect"
I said nothing and headed straight for the car...up to that point I was talking calm and like an adult, W tried to turn it into an arguement and I simply walked away. When we got in the car I calmed my self down and started to talk upbeat again....
M: 27, W: 25 Together since: 01/31/00 M: 10/4/09 (8 Months) ILBNILWY: 01/24/10 EA confirmed: 02/10/10 (Busted). Road to Reconcile began: 07/10/10 Retrouvaille: 09/10/10
