feel like giving up - pt 2

[Gardener]

luv,

Today evidently she said "ILY" at the end of the conversation and he replies "ok." I think that's really sh*tty man. He knows how sensitive she is. She takes that stuff to heart. She feels her dad (who is her freaking hero) doesn't care about her!

I'm sorry for your D. How upsetting! And "sh!tty" doesn't even come close to covering it - sensitive or not. God!

This is hell.

Yeah...
hugs and prayers for you, D & S

[Onthemountaintop]

Sounds like your son is realizing what he doesn't want out of a relationship, but is he going to be afraid of commitment, then? I wonder if your possibly x-husband and you could talk about counselling. In Alberta, there are subsidized programs for kids going through family rebuilding less the dad...are there such things in CA or will dad be able to pay?

I wish that he would call and apologize but his pride (and possibly a tricky woman) seem to be blocking his many chances to turn the divorce around. So imagine what your kids must be feeling! They'd probably slap him (and probably you for good measure) and tie you together if they could~

I understand that some men, like me to some regard, have a problem showing love while going through stuff like this (even if it is his fault). I would suggest you keep trying to find opportunities to encourage (not guilt or judge) your H to finding ways to share his feelings with the kids and stay connected. If guilt takes over, the kids will be truly losing a parent. Your son and daughter have both said in your stories that they don't want that. They want to be loved. Helping them feel loved is an awesome way to protect them.

BTW - statistically, fathers that stay involved and are encouraged to be involved post divorce pay alimony more often with less "tricks".

[luvless]

his pride (and possibly a tricky woman) seem to be blocking his many chances to turn the divorce around.

There is definately someone behind him who is telling him negative things. That person (most likely a disgusting woman) that is not encouraging him to have a good relationship with his children. PUKE

Pride goes out the window when it comes to your kids - period.

[alice444]

Yuck, yuck, and YUCK!!!! I'm so sorry Luv. It's one thing (and a sh!tty thing) to do/say stuff to you; it's a whole other thing to do it to the kids. I'm sorry, but he's acting like a first-rate ass. Interesting how they have to justify leaving by probably turning us into monsters in their minds - but the WAS behavior leaves much to be desired. I'm so sorry to hear about his behavior.

What are you doing to take care of you?

((((Luv))))

[LSG]

luv,

That is terrible for your kids. I cannot understand how a Father can allow someone to come between him and his kids. These OM/OW do not care about our families. They only care about their own selfishness, and so do the WAS.

When it comes to the kids, nothing else matters!!! I agree with you fully!

You are doing a good job to raise your kids the right way! I applaud you for that.

[luvless]

alice - yeah, the wayward spouse find every way to paint a dirty picture...pathetic.
I'm trying to stay focused on making a new life for myself. It's so hard. My emotions have been all over the place this week. I'm so sad and then I get a moment of peace. I've been buried in paperwork and organizing my home. I've removed everything that reminds me of Mr. Luv. Sad.

LSG - I will never understand how a parent can abandon a child. I see the pain in my kids faces. They feel so abandoned by their dad. I ensure them they know I will never do such a thing. I tell them their dad loves them no matter how he is behaving.

I am doing the best I can. This is some rough sh*t.

[ReelingW/aSmile]

Luv,

Responding to your D like that is repulsive! I don't know how you have maintained your composure, but I applaud you for it. He will come to regret letting anything get in the way of his relationships with his children.

Hang in there.

[Gardener]

luv,

I am doing the best I can. This is some rough sh*t.

(((luv)))
And admiration.

[luvless]

Reeling - tell me about it

Gardener - aw thank you

I had the worst time sleeping last night. My brain would not shut off. I found myself crying and praying if I could just get a break.

I'm doing ok...just tired. My stbX went out of town today. He actually called the kids and let them know...amazing. I was next to my D when she was talking to him and she didn't dare say "ILY" this time. I guess she didn't want to get rejected again!

Hope everyone is well.

Luv

[luvless]

Hey guys,

I'm just journaling...I'm having one of those days where my heart just aches. I went to the market in our neighborhood and I just had this sinking lonely feeling...ugh I feel so abandoned and left with all the responsibilities. I guess it still hasn't sunken in yet that my stbx husband really did the unthinkable. This is for real.

I have to watch what I spend which makes it so much worse. I've gone back 19 yrs financially where money is super tight. I know it won't be forever but it still adds to all the stress.

I have so much on my plate these next few weeks so please keep me in your prayers. Our D turns 18 and no more support for her so even less coming in. I wrote Mr. Luv today and he just gave me the "don't tell me about woes" stuff saying if I can't make it then sell the house and car. That he didn't even have a place to live. I wrote him back and said "you had a place to live you didn't want it."

Anyway...I feel tired and stressed. I'm fighting negativity every chance I get but damn it's hard.

I wish everyone a good three day weekend.