still separated, headed for D?

[newmama]

Are you committed to the July filing?

Mind if I ask why?
Have your feelings changed?
Other than the dating thing,(duh) how would your life be different?

Just wondering....

Whatnow, I am committed to bringing up the discussion of the divorce in July. I am going to take my therapist's advice and "give warning" through some carefully phrased questions. I want to thoroughly find out why he has been taking so long, what his doubts are, and I will be prepared to follow through on filing for divorce instead of just saying "hey...I am moving forward...I mean it! Really! I won't wait forever! I'm serious!" because I will have given him at least 15 months and 3 chances to end it before I filed for divorce.

By July, it will also have been at least 2 months since he said he wanted to go through with the divorce. Also 2 months of him getting to experience the divorced dad lifestyle.



What would be different for me other than dating is that I would be showing WH that I will not put up with HIM getting to decide if HE wants to end his seedy relationship with OW.I feel like I am losing respect for myself by sitting around any longer. And 15 months is long enough to have a clue that you want to be with someone long term or not. I wouldn't have done it at 6 months because it is too soon in his "relationship" to know if he WON'T want to be with her long term.

Seriously, I think in his case, if I were to file at 6 months he would say "ok,I understand" and it would have happened. I still had respect for myself for waiting until S was 1 year of age...or until I was DONE. But I won't like myself if I wait much longer. I am getting confused as to whether this is really worth it.

His actions and behavior, at this point, are showing me that he has changed from the man I fell in love with, married, and believed in this whole time. He clearly doesn't share the same dream of having a family that I do, and prefers a seedy life over a healthy one.


The divorce in our case is pretty simple. It will be a bunch of paperwork, no attorneys, and 4 weeks of custody classes. I will move on.

For S' sake, I will keep an open mind to reconciliation one day if the man I married (loving, committed, responsible, STRONG, compassionate, STRONG (worth repeating)) returns to me because it will take a lot of effort on his part to end contact with OW, to go to IC, to face friends and family, to be transparent and patient with me, etc.

But if I meet a wonderful man who is good to S, then I would like to be able to experience my dream of having a family.

Also, I can't help but think that if we had been together longer then I would wait longer. 10+ years of history instead of 5...