I was thinking of you this morning, hoping for a GAL update.
I am making progress. I am moving along.
BUT--and I said this to my therapist yesterday--the key thing--and my tendency to do--would be to say "well, OK! got thru that! Whatever!" and then NOT DO THE NECESSARY WORK.
Such that I would be back in her office 10 years from now, sobbing out the same story.
I have a talent for covering up, covering over, dismissing, not acknowledging all the crap--thus my current state. So if my friends and therapist DON'T push me, I will go back into the comfort zone.
And I want to. Why not? It's comfortable there! No need for huge feelings; no need to be open and intimate and take all the risks thereof--
what sort of idiot would go thru this incredible pain and say "I know! I'll be open and trusting and intimate--open myself right up to the possibility of pain!"
No, no, Aver's tendency is to be closed off and not let that happen! And it worked so well for 22 years! Why change it?
You musn't let me be so lazy. Take the easy way out.
So many people on these BB have inspired me with their growth, self-knowledge, determination not to make the same mistake twice.
I am afraid I won't live up to that inspiration.
I don't have big plans for the weekend, and it isn't quite freaking me out yet. I do have some modest plans.
LFA--I'll want a full report on your GAL for the weekend!
And let me know how the sitch with the puppies worked out.
