I think the e-mail to your H (RE: not coming over unannounced) is perfect. It is polite, brief and to the point. Very good work!

If your husband is "very literal" there is nothing you can do about that. His reaction to your actions is something you cannot control.

When a situation becomes "dangerous" (and I put dangerous in quotes as I know your H is not physically abusing you but his behavior right now *is* dangerous) a certain level of logistical self protection must be in place. That is not to say you still can't follow and implement DB techniques. All we are suggesting is you put certain safeguards in place (protecting your money) so you *can* continue to DB with the notion your assets are safe. IMO that makes DB much easier.

You will worry yourself sick (been there, done that) if you endlessly ponder what your H might be thinking based on your actions. With all due respect your H has a very serious problem and people with very serious problems will find a way to twist things around in their favor. Not your issue.

IIRC the last session you had with your DB coach was a few days ago. Have you had another session to give your coach the updated information you have come across (the e-mails, the banking issue)? You can't expect a coach to give you good advice unless they have ALL the information. And quite honestly, if your coach advising you to keep things as they are after learning all the new updates I would question it all. Protecting your assets and ensuring your home is not a rendezvous point for your H's sexual liaisons is necessary. Let the DB coach help you with the emotional side of things if that is what you choose but right now you have to find a balance between the emotional side and the logistical side.

Your H has CHOSEN to no longer live in your home. Fine, his choice BUT that does not give him a free pass to initiate sexual contact IN YOUR HOME with women over the Internet and possibly use YOUR HOME as a meeting point.

Dividing bank accounts is a nightmare. What is the bigger nightmare though? Diving accounts now or dividing them once they have been squandered by an addict?

You are operating out of fear. You are fearful of your H's reactions. You will remain stuck forever if you don't eliminate the fear.