I feel like i need to contact WAW

[TimeHeals]

You don't need to send a letter saying you are DONE if you are really done.

[knightinneed]

No letter timeheals, just plain and simple word of mouth, I am not sending a letter, her friend can tell her what I said.

He Said he is done! Well i dunno if i'm done forever, but for now most definitely. Eventually, we will be in communication about daughter etc... So, i have all the time in the world from now until 3-4 months or however long it takes for the D to be filed and hearings etc...

When I re-emerge from the depths, I will not be the same person. I actually should thank her, for holding up the black mirror to my face, because I needed some serious changes!

[TimeHeals]

No letter timeheals, just plain and simple word of mouth, I am not sending a letter,

I still don't see the point.

The easiest way to communicate being done is to ignore her altogether.

[knightinneed]

Well you could be right, I guess its a satisfaction thing to get her thinking. Because I cant contact her anyway if I wanted due to the no contact order.

I just want WAW to stew over my words I suppose. Just a parting message, as i fade into the sunset, that way she knows.

According to WAW's last letter that she sent my sister where she was talking about getting a gun etc.. She stated that she thinks I am pursuing her and that the only reason I want to be in my DD1's life as a way to keep her around.

WAW likens this to my last relationship of many years ago, where I was so depressed that I can honestly say I did think my other daughter and her mother were a package deal and that (I) we couldn't be happy unless we were all together.

To be honest I wasn't always there for my other daughter, but i have grown up and changed, and realize how important children are. I plan on fixing things with other Daughter who is 7.

That Flawed thinking is immaturity and a thing of the past. My 1 goal now is myself and my children. I will never make that mistake again. I have also had to deal with ex's craziness, and she has a BF that is insane. I plan to find a way to get her somehow, I really really had to detach from that situation.

My EX GF has a bit of disdain over that as she felt I abandoned my daughter by not seeing her for a year and 1/2 because I was battling through serious depression which i am over for sure.

WAW is wrong about that, and will find out soon enough I suppose.

[knightinneed]

Well so much for being done internally, the feelings hit hard again today after seeing our DD1. Every time I leave DD1 i get so upset that my family unit has been broken up. I learned also that in addition to the letter WAW sent my sister talking about getting a gun and divorce papers on the way that she actually went to our church and took all photos of her and DD1 off the bulletin board??? I am not sure why she did this? Why was that even necessary?

I miss waw so much, and anticipate divorce papers any day now. I will of course DB hard about any of this and will go dark talking to no mutual friends or her mother.

My question is why did WAW need to get the photos from our church?

I know i must be strong continue to GAL, but some of these weekend days with nothing to do, or at night it just really eats me alive. I think total detachment is pretty impossible, but I have to keep the course.

How long from being filed/served to the end of divorce court will this take? Can I delay signing ?

[knightinneed]

Man the detachment is way harder then anything. I had a bad day today and thought about WAW quite a bit. I have found myself looking at her facebook page, and noticing everything about it.

It seems I literally think about her every second of the day in one way or another. All the while making my changes for the better with her as the prize or something.

I honestly have no desire to date but part of me thinks the only way to get her out of my mind is maybe to go on a date or two. I feel like I have honestly resolved to make it a mission to get her back based on logic not emotion.

I know the chance is slim, but still no D papers yet. And if I do get them do I have to sign them immediately?

Can I buy time in anyway if I do get D papers?

I will see her again in 1month 1/2 and Im down about 22 lbs. My goal is 24 more to go, and I think with hard work I can make it. I just want to be looking my best and different yet sharp the next time I see her as one of her big complaints was my weight gain.

I hope the next court date, we finally get no contact dropped.

Any thoughts or suggestions on the questions?

[ShockedOne]

Just a suggestion, but maybe you should block her facebook page. Then you have no temptation to check it. You will never be able to detach if you are constantly checking on her. I know how you feel, we have all been there.

I can't say whether or not dating is the right thing to do or not, and you will get both sides of it from people on here. Maybe a better idea could be to get a big group of mixed friends together for a night out. Couples, singles, guys, and gals. Just go have a good, safe time, and forget about reality for an evening.

Now for signing.....I don't see why you have to sign anything immediately. You may need to consult a lawyer in your state on that one.

[knightinneed]

Yeah, i really should. I feel a lot better today, and have thought about new GAL and 180 stuff. I been wanting to get a tattoo and think a samurai would be perfect for how I percieve my future to be, full of honor.

Also, was looking at changing facial hair perhaps a beard goatee, and even considering some glasses as I may need them. I just had a thought honestly that the old me died the day she left really. I am very much glad it woke me up, and well the new me is born.

I want to recreate everything about myself and my life, and tap into old hobbies such as guitar and music and find a new church to go to as well. I know alot of these things will be only to my benefit of making me more attractive not only to WAW but to all women.

I am walking with my chest out, head high, and dreaming of my transformation at this time. Do I think the old rollercoaster feelings will hit again, very much so, but I need to live in the moments of clarity and build on them as much as I can. I feel so much better dropping the weight and feel confidence gaining.

Just an matter of time when I can put my signature on the completed painting of my new reborn life.

I know waw will be impressed, and I hope that when that time comes we will really be able to see our future together again.

[techguy]

I know the chance is slim, but still no D papers yet. And if I do get them do I have to sign them immediately?

Can I buy time in anyway if I do get D papers?

Every state is different, but generally speaking divorce is basically a civil lawsuit. Like any lawsuit, you can settle out of court quickly or you can go through the entire trial process.

When you get served, you will probably have 20 days or so to file a response to the court. The response is a fairly standard boiler plate document. For example, if she asks for sole custody of the kids, then you ask for sole custody in your response.

Then your WAW can request a court date for an "interim order". That is where she asks the judge to make a preliminary ruling on where the kids should stay while the lawsuit moves forward, who gets to live in what house, and to request that you provide her a monthly check for support.

Then she files a "demand for production of documents", where the court orders you to supply her attorney with financial documents from previous years, etc... They use that to prepare for the trial to support their claim for spousal support (alimony) and\or child supprt.

If there is a custody dispute the court will likely appoint a child custody investigator. She will meet with you and your WAW and make a suggestion to the court for who should get final custody at the trial. Ths part alone can take months.

The reality is that this full legal process is very expensive. (A full trial with a custody dispute could easily cost you both $20,000+ in legal fees).

So, in reality, the WAW will want to negotiate with you to reach a mutal agreement so you can settle without going to trial. However, you can drag that on and on. Just haggle alot and be unreasonable. It is very easy to force the the process into a six month affair.

[knightinneed]

Tech Guy,

Thanks so much for breaking this down for me. I do plan on buying time, and actually have considered what I think is going to be the best scenario.

I basically want to request a mediation and ask for Shared Custody - No Support or Alimony, my lawyer doesn't think she would get it anyway since we have been married 1 year, and nothing I own like house is in her name. She also advised she didn't want child support as well.

My hope is she doesn't ask for full custody, because I think shared would be in the best interest of DD1. I am hoping when we go back we can get this stupid NO CONTACT order lifted, because if this does go to court, I don't want to be paying lawyers to send messages back and forth with her, and would hope we could maybe use a counselor or something as a mediator.

I do plan on taking my time to make the best decisions and also that gives me more time to complete all the changes I am working on now.