Your wife's just playing more childish games... stick to your script and wait for HER to confront you.. do NOT BLAST her..
You read like you are on edge just waiting for the chance to have a go at her.. go blow off some steam, you can't talk to her when you are in this kind of mindset or you will just DO DAMAGE
I am very calm actually. My concern is my W thinks I am lying. Yes I did something suspect by using a phone other than mine but my W thinks my intentions were something other than what they really were. Now she sees this as unfair and justification to talk to OM.
I want the opportunity to tell her the truth or set the record straight. This misunderstanding has killed what was going so good.
This morning I woke up early and clean the house. Rearranged furniture in living room W said it looks better now then it did. W then asked if I could call the salon for her and I did...I asked if she wanted the dog and I to drop her off she said OK but when we left the dog ended up not going so I drove her. We talked a little about non-R things.
Do I bring up what happened yesterday or not?
Do I ask her were we stand?
I know my W has a great relationship with her father and will take his advice no matter what. If he finds out I contacted OMW/OM he is going to tell her that she does not need this crap ect...
M: 27, W: 25 Together since: 01/31/00 M: 10/4/09 (8 Months) ILBNILWY: 01/24/10 EA confirmed: 02/10/10 (Busted). Road to Reconcile began: 07/10/10 Retrouvaille: 09/10/10
OIN you know the answers to those questions... why are you asking?
Let your FIL meddle... HE is doing DAMAGE too...
THAT is the difference.
The OM needs to set the record straight with your wife that he does NOT WANT to HEAR form your wife at ALL
She is still clinging to this ridiculous fantasy? What kind of half assed message is OM and OMW sending her that she's still fighting for contact there?
You bring this subject up you are going to regret it. Just stick to your initial position and wait for HER to bring it up... she will...
Why would you ask your wife where you two stand? You KNOW that's blatant pursuit and ridiculous to even TRY that stunt right now.. you KNOW what she will say...
When your wife is in a hissy fit she threatens to leave... that's her default tactic
WHen your wife comes and brings this up hit her with this :
You know what? If it's ok with OMW, then its ok with me...
Hand her your phone and invite her to call OM's WIFE and ask if she's comfortable with it...
THAT takes the pressure OFF YOU and onto OMW...
When your wife refuses to call, and she WILL
You tell her
OMW knows as well as you and I do that it's NOT healthy for a marriage to be talking to another woman's husband in SECRET in a way that does DAMAGE to that marriage.
OMW wants you to stop meddling in her marriage, that's it.
When I call, I am keeping OMW INFORMED and REASSURED that NO ONE IS MEDDLING... are YOU gonna do that? If so, go ahead, call OMW and reassure her that you aren't calling OM... That's what I am doing.. if YOU want to take on that responsability and make those calls you go for it...
WHen your wife comes and brings this up hit her with this :
You know what? If it's ok with OMW, then its ok with me...
Hand her your phone and invite her to call OM's WIFE and ask if she's comfortable with it...
THAT takes the pressure OFF YOU and onto OMW...
When your wife refuses to call, and she WILL
You tell her
OMW knows as well as you and I do that it's NOT healthy for a marriage to be talking to another woman's husband in SECRET in a way that does DAMAGE to that marriage.
OMW wants you to stop meddling in her marriage, that's it.
When I call, I am keeping OMW INFORMED and REASSURED that NO ONE IS MEDDLING... are YOU gonna do that? If so, go ahead, call OMW and reassure her that you aren't calling OM... That's what I am doing.. if YOU want to take on that responsability and make those calls you go for it...
Your wife should not take this crap. She should move out on her own and support herself and grow up. When she finds out that it is not so easy out there alone she may realize her husband was not so bad. But she can't come back unless she leaves. You are arguing in circles. Nothing changes. Mr. Bond is right. She is outsmarting you if she has you believing that a business call is the same as an emotional affair call. When will you accept that you will never win the argument with her?
I can't just throw her out or make her leave, she is co-owner of the home. I can't leave because my parents rent from us on one side.
I want to avoid her leaving because it will be that much hard to DB. I been telling you all this entire time she is a child when it comes to relationships. We been together since she was 14yo, I am all she has ever known
M: 27, W: 25 Together since: 01/31/00 M: 10/4/09 (8 Months) ILBNILWY: 01/24/10 EA confirmed: 02/10/10 (Busted). Road to Reconcile began: 07/10/10 Retrouvaille: 09/10/10
