I feel like i need to contact WAW

[ShockedOne]

Dude,

You have a NO CONTACT COURT ORDER.


DID IT EVER OCCUR TO YOU THAT SHE IS BAITING YOU TO TRY TO GET YOU TO VIOLATE THE COURT ORDER?

NOT IN YOUR BEST INTEREST TO TAKE THE BAIT!!!!!!!!!!!!

Exactly! Do not contact. The woman you are dealing with is not the same woman you were married to.

[knightinneed]

Guys I know, it was a mutual friend whom suggested the letter. She confirmed that there is no OM and that WAW is scared and very depressed since DD1 was taken away.

I just felt if i could maybe post on a anonymous blog, not using names and have mutual friend slide the link to her, I could get my thoughts out there to her.

Basically, just to say that I am not trying to take DD away completely, that I have made solid permanent changes enough to make her head spin, and agree with my responsibility in this crazy situation.

I had to contact her friend as WAW is borrowing her car. I advised friend that if she doesnt transfer the car to my WAW that I am dropping insurance, so she advised she would transfer it to WAW.

I miss her so much, even though I am liking all my changes and my new found discipline. I am improving very rapidly in all areas, especially weight loss and focus on my career as a Network Engineer.

I wish i had a answer?

[knightinneed]

The saddest part of all this is that WAW could file for D, while were still in No Contact. I would have no chance to talk to her about it.

I know her Lawyer is pushing her to as well as her Boss whom she is staying with.

Detaching is fine and Dandy, but if D papers come my I wont be able to talk to her about any of it?

[ShockedOne]

If she files for D, what is there to talk about. She will have to turn herself around, by herself. Your talking to her about divorce is going to be perceived as pursuing, thus, pushing her away faster. All this energy you are putting into these "what ifs", would be better spent on your own improvements even more so. Remember, at some point, you may not want to take her back. This is the ever important reason in changing your life for you.
Shock

[knightinneed]

She has no idea of the changes I am making shocked one. And well she didnt leave on her own, the court made her leave, because of the assault charge.

I think that I will still want her even after the changes. I want my DD1 to have her real Mom and Dad married, and I also know that with the changes I have made, we have a very good shot at reconciliation and a happy marriage.

I know she has a temper sometimes, but most of it was about the way I was which I now see.

It would be ashame for it to be too late. Yes my changes were spurred by this separation, but I am now seeing she wanted me to be a better man.

I am glad she complained, because it opened my eyes honestly, it was time for me to be more responsible, more mature, and not some overgrown teenager stamping their feet not getting their way.

I am thankful for it, but it also lets me see how with the growth and change we will have gone through could make this M better then before and long lasting.

[washerebefore]

"NO CONTACT" means "NO CONTACT" what about that is so hard to comprehend? I am not sure you understand the seriousness of defying a court order.

In regards to the "mutual friend" of whom you stated: "She advised I should write a letter and not talk about the M or getting back together, and that I just want to be CIVIL and friendly for our DDs sake."
What kind of "friend" would encourage you to do something with such potentially disasterous long term consequences? and if you do it by computer, do you believe that can't be traced? Are you aware that "stalking" is considered a serious crime these days? I find it hard to believe that a friend with your best interests at heart would recommend such a thing.

I would also be very suspicious that I was getting the straight scoop from a "friend" who says "he's not a bf"....he's ONLY the bosses son...whom she showed up at the court hearing to hold hands and pray with....and she LIVES WITH THE BOSS. Man, the more I think about it, you are being gaslighted, and I believe the friend is not as "mutual" as you seem to think.

[knightinneed]

I dont know that I am being gas lighted here, but I just have a lot of care for WAW. I think this all stems from her viewing me as having the upper hand and that I have the ammunition for full custody of DD1.

Your honestly right, staying away is for the best at this point and I have decided not to email or send a letter. I am just saddened by her being away, and i cannot stop thinking about her every second of the day.

My IC thinks that I am using her to motivate myself, but I explained the changes I am making are honestly parallel to what I need to do to move on without her. IC advises that I focus on kids and me but I guess I keep looking for that magic advice that will make the light bulb come on.

I dont know if the bosses son and her are an Item, her Mom and Friend both say no, but I guess I shouldnt care. I mean its obserd that she would bring some one to our hearing like that, so I dont know.

I think that once the weight is off, finances are in order, and custody is arranged, Ill explore my options. I am not bad looking and have a good career and alot going for me. I guess I will have to show her.

My IC said well once you get your goals accomplished, establish custody with my daughter and show how I have it all together that will not only make me more attractive to women, but her as well.

IC advised changes/kids 1st, as primary goals and WAW as a secondary goal when everything comes together.

[ShockedOne]

Well, believe nothing you are told concerning and WAW. And then believe only half of what you see.

As much as none of us want to be the victims of gaslighting, I think most LBS's are gaslighted some. No WAS is ever completely honest. EVER.

[knightinneed]

Yeah I know shocked one, she is finally beyond help I fear. She sent my sister an email yesterday, and mentioned she was getting a gun to protect herself, and that divorce papers will be coming soon.

If she doesnt think I will not get the letter to my lawyer where she is trashing me, and saying she will get a gun will not HURT her chances to get DD1. She maybe a certified loon. It makes no sense to me. I fear she is cracking.

Also, she said that she doesnt want child support, nor insurance, that she just wants her baby and for me to leave her alone.

She thinks i just want DD1 in my life to get her back. She has contacted my ex-girlfriend whom I share a daughter with trying to dig for dirt also.

I hate all this happening, but im afraid she needs serious help at this point. This latest development has me very concerned with her mental stability, also her friend told me she wants our dog too.

Man i am in such a bad situation, because I do still Love her, and well everyone I know thinks i am crazy to not get away. I guess when you love someone you hope for change. I am changing myself, and can only hope she changes her self too.

I must really begin to pray hard for her, because this situation is becoming like war of the roses.

I am just beyond sad, and angry at her. I just wish things could be back to normal for us.

[knightinneed]

Just had a ROBX-Gucci post marathon. The more I read the more I am waking up.

I know I was bad and caused much grief, but the truth is the way he describes the WAW is so much like my wife it is 100 percent accurate.

My WAW pursued me hard, and I even tried to break up with her when we were dating because I thought we were too different, and well it made her pursue harder. I gave in, because id never had such a beautiful amazing women pursue me like that, it made me feel like gold. That was then this is now.

I know the weight gain, wishy washyness, angry outburts, procrastination and depression, and my sister/family nosing into our relationship were major problems etc...

But the cruelness, the verbal bashing, her trying to be controlling etc... Was just a byproduct of her losing respect for me and giving up on the M, because i became a shell of the happy guy she fell for.

I know this now and so I have decided to officially go dark, and deliver one last message to a mutual friend, that I am DONE, I am moving on with my life, that I dont care what she does or who with. We eventually will need to be civil for DD1 but for now total darkness.

I will keep focusing on bettering myself with weightloss - enjoy my old friends, join groups on meetup.com, go hiking, start playing guitar again and become the most intersting man in the world, while she hangs on to her anger, delusions, hatred, and cruelty.

I will not allow my daughter to be around this either, because I am pushing for no less then shared, and maybe full and make her ass pay child support.

I dunno if their is a drop of love still in that heart, but i am tired of the disrespect. The email to my sister, saying she is getting a gun, and that she hopes I meet someone like myself so I may find comfort is just too much at this point.

Also the calling of my EX to dig dirt, the lying in court. She is completly nuts, and hell even if I did push her somewhat to madness I cannot be totally culpable to her actions.

She got herself locked up, and she chose to act violently. I hate to see it end, but well it must for now. When I re-emerge in 2 months at the next court date, she will see a lean, confident, matter of fact man with new clothes, cologne, and his whole life ahead of him on a silver platter.