She needed a hysterectomy due to fibroid tumors. The surgeon said (and this was Northwestern Hospital, so they see a lot) it was the most difficult hysterectomy she had done on in the past two years.
She also has some hypothyroid issues, fibromyalsia (sp?). But I honestly think that there's a chicken and the egg thing going on, because I think she suffers from depression. This depression may very well be brought on by the above factors.
I can appreciate all the advice and concern I've been given so far, but I'm not sure exactly how to broach the subject. I'm afraid that if I bring it up to her (delaying the divorce, etc.)it will push her towards it. I don't want to use the kids as a bargaining chip, though I <i>do</i> fully believe that this is not best for them. I did once bring up that it was not good for them and she said that raising them in a loveless marriage is not good for them either. She said that she cannot be a good parent if she is miserable.
I asked her what the benefits of divorce were. I pointed out that we'd both be worse off financially, it would be harder on the kids, it would add stress on everyone's lives, and I don't think in the middle of that she'd find much happiness.
I asked her if there was someone else. She insisted (again) that there wasn't and I do honestly believe her. Still, I'm puzzled by the rush on everything.
If I had to guess (and that can be dangerous), I'd say that she is rushing this because somewhere inside she is afraid that she will back out of it. We agreed not to say anything to the kids until they are finished with school, and I think she wants it to be a done deal before telling the kids. Because the kids are not going to take it well and I think she is afraid they will make her second guess her decision.
When I ask why she is doing this, she can only say "We don't work together."
Honestly, I really think that 95% of this is financial. I think that we are not where we wanted to be at this point in our lives and she takes her frustration with that at focuses on the marriage. But I don't see how this divorce will be anything but a setback.
