I'm not saying this to make you think there's hope for the R, because right now that's not important, YOU ARE!!
If he had really "Moved On", then he wouldn't be going out of his way to make you feel like sh!t. I call "big, fat Bullchit!!!" on this one.
He's hurt, he's angry, he's guilty and he's not mentally stable. Instead of working on his own issues, he's turning it around to make you think that YOU are the problem. Any sane person who has moved on wouldn't spend the time or energy to do that.
Don't fall for it.
Don't let him win.
You are not a loser. You are not a bad mother. Your children would NOT be better off with someone else. Not ever. You love them like no one else in this world ever can, and they know this.
If you were to give up right now & end it, they would never forgive you. And they would never forgive THEMSELVES! You blame yourself for the jerk's probelms, and they would blame themselves for whatever happens to you.
It's not rational, but they would.
They weren't good enough.
You didn't love them enough.
They weren't important enough for you to keep fighting.
They weren't important, period.
I know for a fact that NONE of those things is true, that is so obvious by your posts. You love your babies. You love them so much it hurts your heart.
But for the rest of their lives, they will blame themselves. And the way h is acting? I don't think it would be long until he blamed them, too.
Keep fighting, DG. Keep going. Let those babies know that with every breath you take you love them. Show them with everything you do that they are the most important people in your life. Prove to them that they are worthy of your love, of your strength, of you.
They need you. They love you. YOU are the most important person in their world, DG. No one, and I mean no one, will EVER have the impact you have on their lives. No one will ever love them like you can.
Do not let them spend the rest of their lives feeling like they weren't important enough for their mother to keep on going.
Show them how much you love them. Pick up the phone. Call your doctor and tell him exactly how you feel. There are people who can help you. There is no shame in it. It takes a strong person to ask for help, and you are so strong. Be strong for them.
They need you. They deserve you. They deserve the best mother they can have, and that is the best version of you. Not someone else. Not ever someone else.
Please post. Please make the phone call. With every number you dial, think of their smiling faces. Do this for them until you can do this for yourself.
There is no such thing as too broken.
formerly known as "shelbel" Me 40, stbxh 40 DSs 9, 7 & 3 M9, T10 Stbxh is a diagnosed bipolar & an addict. The end.
