Roller Coaster time approaching again. Be ready for a flood of emotion within you when its final and immediately thereafter.
Stay strong.
Thanks Gardener. You're right, I need to prepare for this. I'm already having a hard time just adjusting to the empty house during the weeks the kids are gone. It's also hard trying to get a grip on what has really happened over the past 18 years. Maybe I'll never really know, and maybe it doesn't matter, but I just don't want to repeat any of this.
The real kicker is that even with the divorce, I'll still have an R with her, still have all of this reminded to me every week, both her various infidelities and my own contributions.
Ok, my plans for preparing: First, this weekend I'm going to Florida to be with one of my closest friends. My wife has the kids for the holiday weekend, and I suspect she would sign the papers and give them to me right before she leaves town. Second, I think I need to find some kind of divorce support group here locally. I can feel my friends growing weary. Third, I need to really really get busy with my new life. I'm not sure what that means, but once I get the house refinanced, some new health insurance, and all my bills sorted out, maybe I can really get going.
Friends, got any suggestions for me?
M:42|W:40|D:17|S:13|Bomb:10/23/09 Awoken's Current Thread
Awoken, Weekend away friend is a great idea. Have fun.
Originally Posted By: Awoken
Second, I think I need to find some kind of divorce support group here locally. I can feel my friends growing weary.
I tried one or two. WIth both, I was one of two attendees. Still looking. Really could use one, too because this is - eventually -so true. Saw a couple more on MeetUp.com last night. You might want to check there locally.
Originally Posted By: Awoken
Third, I need to really really get busy with my new life. I'm not sure what that means, but once I get the house refinanced, some new health insurance, and all my bills sorted out, maybe I can really get going.
I know. Replace 'refinanced' with 'sold' and I'm right there, too. It's just another limbo. But temporary.
Gardener
"My soul, be satisfied with flowers, With fruit, with weeds even; but gather them In the one garden you may call your own." Cyrano deBergerac
First, this weekend I'm going to Florida to be with one of my closest friends.
Great! Go and get your mind off of the sitch. Have FUN and relax a little.
Originally Posted By: Awoken
Second, I think I need to find some kind of divorce support group here locally. I can feel my friends growing weary.
How about finding a church you feel comfortable with. Many of them have divorce groups. It will also get you involved with something outside of your music - give you something else to do with your time - if you get involved with some ministries. Giving to others always takes your mind off of yourself.
Originally Posted By: Awoken
Third, I need to really really get busy with my new life. I'm not sure what that means, but once I get the house refinanced, some new health insurance, and all my bills sorted out, maybe I can really get going.
Don't put it off! You can start NOW. Find some interests outside of your professional life. What else do you enjoy doing? Anything you've always wanted to learn and never took the time, like ARCHERY, or scuba diving, or rock climbing, maybe motorcycling ;-) - something to get you out and active. Lots of these activities have enthusiast groups that have social events as well.
(((Awoken))) Hope you have a good week and look forward to the weekend.
Hi Awoken, Good for you for planning a weekend away with your friend. A change of scenery can do wonders for inspiring a new direction. And I agree with sister! Don't make yourself have to slog through all the dull stuff like bills and banking before you start finding some fun new outlets for your creativity and energy! "Whatever you can do or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power and magic in it.”
I cannot complain for not receiving from others, that which I've never asked them for.
Good morning Awoken, just checking in to see how you're doing. Hope you're on your way to Florida and will have a wonderful weekend. I'm VERY envious... if you can imagine it, we had a little snowstorm yesterday. Still have about 2-3 inches of the white stuff in the yard. Had to go shake off the trees for fear of breaking branches! Take care, and have a great weekend.
I cannot complain for not receiving from others, that which I've never asked them for.
I've been so busy, just keeping my head up now. The weekend was both long and busy. I did drive down to be with my friends. I subbed out my Saturday gig here in my hometown so that I could go out of town. I drove down Friday, got there in time for the jazz festival to see several dear friends perform, and we then hung out all night together. Sure enough, shortly before midnight, the person I subbed the Saturday night gig to called to say he couldn't do it after all (I WON'T be calling him again!). I pulled myself out of bed early Saturday, played a short set at the jazz festival, and then drove the six hours back to my home tome just in time for the other gig.
I was dreading being by myself on a holiday weekend that should have been with the entire family, but I ended up picking up gigs for both Sunday and Monday, so I was basically very busy. Overall, I think some of my GAL is going well: I made a lot of new friends. The musicians that know what I'm going through all commented on how good I look, and expressed their concern for me, including people I didn't know knew anything about me. It's good to realize how many people out there care about me.
My wife has now almost completely stopped responding to communication. We had devolved to just emails, but now she seldom responds to those either. I'm only emailing her about bills and the kids schedules.
Today, to my surprise, the closing attorney for my refi mangaged to contact her and she drove over there and signed the title over to me. We don't have a divorce agreement yet, and I didn't think she would sign. I have no idea if she plans on signing the divorce agreement either, or if she plans on ever calling her attorney. I think all three of us (me, my attorney, and her attorney) are scratching our heads.
There are other problems: this is my week with the kids. She has planned a trip out of town to meet with OM. She had taken a job babysitting for a friend, so she committed D17 to do the babysitting for her while she's gone. D17 is not happy about it, as she wasn't asked if she wanted to do it. I'm not happy either since it means significantly less time with D17 this week. She's basically babysitting during times I had already made plans for her. Hopefully this will be easier to deal with once we have an agreement in place.
M:42|W:40|D:17|S:13|Bomb:10/23/09 Awoken's Current Thread
Good morning Awoken, don't have a lot of time left this morning but just wanted to stop by and say hello. Oh I'm so glad to see you're making new friends and receiving such great support. Will check in later when I have a bit more time. Take care. PG.
I cannot complain for not receiving from others, that which I've never asked them for.
There are other problems: this is my week with the kids. She has planned a trip out of town to meet with OM. She had taken a job babysitting for a friend, so she committed D17 to do the babysitting for her while she's gone. D17 is not happy about it, as she wasn't asked if she wanted to do it. I'm not happy either since it means significantly less time with D17 this week. She's basically babysitting during times I had already made plans for her. Hopefully this will be easier to deal with once we have an agreement in place.
Boy, I would nip this in the bud real quick! Boundary setting time! I know you're worried about getting the papers signed and don't want to ruffle feathers, but since she's signed the house over to you (that was one of your big concerns, right?) I would NOT put off dealing with this.
Glad you had a fun, even if it was hectic, weekend. See, you have more good friends out there than you knew.
